


Weightless Phantom

by Kelandry5



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Akashi being Akashi, Angst, Anorexia, Depression, Eating Disorders, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Middle School, Protective Generation of Miracles, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Starvation, Teiko
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-09-21 16:22:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9557036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelandry5/pseuds/Kelandry5
Summary: "Ghosts are pure. Phantoms are weightless. Food is not pure and I am not weightless, but I am strong and I will change. I will be the perfect phantom. The perfect ghost." -Kuroko Tetsuya





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> The events/issues in this story are based on personal experience and research. It deals with possibly triggering issues so please keep that in mind and take care of yourself. 
> 
> For more information on eating disorders, I suggest Something-fishy.org and glossary.feast-ed.org

 

**Prologue**

They called him a phantom because of his lack of presence, but he called himself a failure. Phantoms are weightless. Ghosts are pure. Food is not pure and he is not weightless. To be useful, to keep his friends, he must abstain from food and become weightless. He must become a better phantom for himself, for his team, for his light.

That’s what Teiko’s phantom sixth man, Kuroko Tetsuya, thought. Even though he had finally joined the first string and become a regular, he was certain he was the weakest member. He was afraid. The others kept getting stronger. If he didn’t get stronger too, they wouldn’t need him. He would be alone again. He didn’t want to be alone again. He had to become a better phantom.   

And so it began, the downward spiral to the pits of hell.

Somewhere in his mind, he knew his thought process was wrong. He knew it was messed up, but that part of his mind was silenced by his fear and desires. That knowledge was swept into the dustiest corner of his mind where no light ever shone.

He looked up weight loss tips and tricks online and made a list of the best ones, most of which were not exactly healthy. He documented his food intake and exercise in a small notebook that he carried with him and weighed himself every two days. He knew a person didn’t lose weight overnight….every two days was probably pushing it too, but he was impatient.

That was the beginning, but the weight loss was too slow. He cut back his intake even further and resorted to skipping some meals entirely. He ate less and less and worked out more and more.

He needed to be weightless. He needed to be the perfect phantom. He didn’t care how much it hurt. He didn’t care how hard it was. He didn’t care that he was losing sight of himself. He didn’t care that he was falling further and further into the hole of anorexia.

They called him a phantom because of his lack of presence, but he called himself a failure. Phantoms are weightless. Ghosts are pure. But he is not weightless and he cannot be pure as long as he allows food to pass his lips. He is not a phantom. He is not a ghost.

But he will be.


	2. Lost in Thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated any of my stories this week!!!! I've had a bad case of the flu for almost a week now but I'm slowly getting better. I managed to write this today so yay! Sorry it's so late though! I hope you enjoy!  
> And I hope it makes sense. It did when I read it...but I'm still a bit sick so I could be imagining things.

Phantoms are weightless. Ghosts are pure. But he is not weightless and he cannot be pure as long as he allows food to pass his lips. He is not a phantom. He is not a ghost. Not yet.

 It felt like torture at first; the hunger pains, the headaches, the sore muscles and all the other discomforts of starvation. It got easier though. It was still hard, but his body got used to it by the end of the second month. The hunger pains and soreness were just a constant dull ache that he could easily ignore and the headaches stopped occurring so frequently.

On the other hand, he was tired most of the time. It got harder to focus and he found himself zoning out more often. He never felt like he had any energy anymore either. Still, he forced himself through practice and on days when there was no basketball practice, he went to the gym and practiced alone or went for a run, or used the weight gym with the weights and cardio machines. It was hell but he was stubborn enough to bear it. He needed to become the perfect phantom and no price was too high.

It had been two months. He was down to one small meal a day and maybe a small snack. On days when there was no basketball practice, he only ate the one small meal. It was usually lunch. It was routine for him to sit with his teammates at lunch, so he would eat something small to avoid any suspicions.

Today would be different though. As he looked down at the scale like every other morning, he noted the bold black number staring at him, reminding him of his failure. It was far too high. In two months he had only lost twenty-four pounds. It wasn’t enough. He needed to take his efforts to the next level.

He threw on his uniform and an extra jacket and grabbed his school bag and sports bag. He made sure to grab a low calorie granola bar from the cabinet for a snack but didn’t take anything out for lunch. He didn’t pack any money for bread either. He didn’t need to. He wasn’t going to eat lunch today. If his body got hungry, it could simply feed off the mountain of fat covering his body. It should be more than enough. No, he didn’t need lunch. He debated leaving the granola bar behind too, but decided to bring it. It would be the first time he skipped eating entirely on a practice day and he wanted to be prepared. It would be a safety net, a just in case sort of thing. He would only eat it if he absolutely needed too.

It felt like a weak way to think. He should be strong enough to not eat every day. He should, but he wasn’t. Not yet. He would get there though. That was something he promised himself.

The air outside was cold, as is expected of early November. To Kuroko, it seemed colder than the weather app on his phone claimed. Then again, it always seemed cold lately. Perhaps that was just part of the price to become the phantom. He didn’t get the chance to think more on it though as two familiar bodies nearly knocked him over.

“Oi. Tetsu! Watch out.” Aomine scolded as he fell in step with Kuroko. The other body, Kise followed suit on the tealnette other side.

“Morning Kurokocchi!!” Kise tried to hug Kuroko but Kuroko stopped short of his step and Aomine followed suit, so Kise only managed to grab an armful of air. “No fair!”

“Good morning Kise-kun. It’s too early for fairness.” Kuroko replied with his usual blank expression and monotone voice. “And Aomine-kun should be the one to watch out since he ran in to me.”

“Kurokocchi is grouchy this morning.” Kise pouted.

“I’m the same as every other morning, Kise-kun.”

“And he says you’re grouchy almost every morning.” Aomine grumbled in annoyance. Kuroko’s lips turned up into the slightest of smiles. Even if his light and student were obnoxious, he enjoyed their company most of the time. It was a welcome distraction this morning, at least until Aomine had to bring up an unpleasant topic.

“Oi, Tetsu. You feeling okay? You look a bit more pale than usual. You better not be getting sick. We got a practice match on Friday!”

“Kurokocchi is sick! Wahhhh!!!” Kise immediately tried to test Kuroko’s forehead for a fever but was once again dodged.

“I’m not sick. I probably just didn’t get enough sleep.” Kuroko replied, ignoring Kise’s pouting over being avoided again. He briefly wondered why it even mattered. The others could hold their own easily without him. He wasn’t really needed, but he didn’t say that. He didn’t want to admit it.

Aomine just shrugged at his lame response and decided not to push it. “If you say so.” He grunted and left it at that.

The rest of the walk was quiet. Aomine put his ear phones in and bobbed his head along to his tunes and Kise was tapping away at his phone. Just another day, Kuroko thought as they took their seats.

Morning classes flew by and soon it was time for lunch. As usual, Kuroko followed Kise and Aomine out of the classroom, but quietly departed for the library. His friends didn’t notice of course. He may be too fat to be a good phantom, but he was still an okay one. He had the title for a reason.

The library was a good place to pass the time. He could distract himself from the missing food with reading and he wouldn’t be distracted with smells of food or loud voices since neither was aloud in the library. Yes, it was a good place to spend the time and he quickly found he didn’t even miss lunch with his friends. This was easier. He didn’t have to worry about calculating every calorie and remembering it to write down later. He didn’t have to worry about his all-knowing captain catching on to his actions either. Although, that was one thing he missed. Or one person actually. Akashi. Captain of the basketball team and the guy Kuroko had a crush on since he met him last year.

When lunch ended, Kuroko slipped back into the classroom and relaxed when neither Kise nor Aomine brought up his missing presence at lunch. They probably hadn’t noticed and Kuroko wondered whether Akashi had noticed or cared that he wasn’t there. He probably didn’t. To Akashi, Kuroko was probably just another pawn to use when necessary and forget about when he wasn’t needed, and he certainly wasn’t needed in order for the others to eat lunch. They probably didn’t even want him there anyway. They just let him join them because he was a regular now and it would be rude not to. Okay, so there might be a million holes in that line of thought. But still.

However, as afternoon classes continued, his thoughts drifted back to Akashi, back to wondering what he meant to the red head captain if he meant anything at all. Could he be more than just a pawn if he became a better phantom? Probably not. Akashi was rich and handsome and could have the best of the best. Akashi had a million times more presence and grace than Kuroko could ever hope to have and even a perfect phantom would probably barely be worthy of kissing the ground Akashi walked on.

Kuroko shook his head. Where the hell was he coming up with these thoughts anyway? Kissing the ground his captain walked on? That sounded ridiculous. It did, but the idea behind it, that he could never be worthy of the one he was in love with, was not ridiculous. Besides, Akashi probably wasn’t even gay and would probably be repulsed by the very idea of some shorter, gross, ugly, MALE having such feelings for him. Which means Kuroko should probably stop drawing hearts with Akashi’s name inside on his notebook paper before someone looked over and saw. With that thought, he quietly scribbled over the drawing and flipped to the next page, just in case, before resuming his rambling thoughts.

\--

 

“Oi! Earth to Tetsu! Is anybody home?” Aomine waved his hand in front of his unresponsive shadow trying to get his attention to no avail. Kuroko was far too lost in his thoughts and hadn’t heard the bell ring or noticed that everyone left for home or clubs already. He was still staring at a blank notebook page.

“Aominicchi!!” Kise called from the classroom doorway. “We got to go! Akashicchi will get mad if we’re late!”

“Tell that to Tetsu!” Aomine pointed at the bluenette who was still oblivious to his surroundings.

“Kurokocchi?? Why is Kurokocchi still here?” The blond tilted his head confused as he realized Kuroko was still in the room. It wasn’t like their friend to be late.

“I think he’s day dreaming or something.”

“Well wake him up! We got to go!!!! We only have six minutes!” Kise whined as he pointed at the clock and fidgeted restlessly. Deciding the nonphysical approach wasn’t going to work (he should have figured that out sooner but he’s not the most perceptive) Aomine opted for a smack on the head.

“Oi! Tetsu! You’re making us late!”

“Aomine-kun?” Kuroko suddenly looked around the classroom and realized everyone was gone. He then noticed Kise in the doorway who was practically a bouncing ball of nerves. “We’re going to be late.” He stated emotionlessly.

“No duh! It’s your fault!” Aomine accused and grabbed Kuroko’s wrist to drag him out. It seemed smaller than usual, but he didn’t give it much thought.

The three basketball players arrived with barely a minute to spare.

“You three took your time.” Akashi, their captain, stated dryly as he looked over the three panting first string members. “An extra ten laps for each of you.”

“That’s not fair Akashicchi! We aren’t late.”

“Twenty extra laps for Ryouta.”

“Akashicc…..”

“Shall I make it thirty?”

“No. Sorry.” Kise mumbled with a pout and shut up before his whining could get him in more trouble.

“Good. Get a move on then.”

“Yes captain!” The three chorused and began. It didn’t take long for Kuroko to fall behind the other two. He was the slowest after all and didn’t have much stamina. Perhaps when he lost more weight it would be easier. That’s what he hoped anyway. He felt like his legs would give out on him until he noticed Akashi was watching. That gave him the boost he needed to finish, even if he finished far behind the others.

By the time he finished the laps he felt light headed and weak and guzzled down half his water bottle. It didn’t really help. He debated slipping out to grab a bite of the granola bar in his bag but quickly chased that thought away. He would not be weak. It was only there if he absolutely needed it and he didn’t. He could get through today without food. It was time for drills anyway. He wouldn’t get any stronger by skipping them. With that excuse, he stumbled over to Aomine to begin the passing drills.

The rest of practice didn’t exactly go well. Kuroko had a hard time focusing on anything and messed up drills that he knew by heart. No one said anything and he might have thought no one even noticed, except the look Akashi was giving him after his third mistake said differently. After the ball nearly hit Kuroko in the face, even Aomine was starting to notice something was up.

“Oi! Tetsu! Pay attention. What’s with you today?” Aomine scolded as he passed the tealnette to grab the runaway ball.

“Sometimes I wonder if you think my name is oi Tetsu….” Kuroko mumbled in reply. “I’m just a bit tired I suppose.”

“Do you need a break? I’m sure Akashi will…”

“No.” Kuroko insisted, probably a bit to firmly judging by the way Aomine flinched. “Sorry Aomine-kun. I’m fine. Let’s just start again.” He apologized. He couldn’t let Akashi see him weak.

“If you say so.”

“I do.” He confirmed and passed the ball again, this time with almost perfect accuracy. He smiled inwardly. That was better. Too bad Aomine was the only one looking.

When practice finished, he barely had the energy to drag himself to the showers and after he quickly left. When he got home he flopped on his bed desperate for sleep. Homework could wait. Sleep could not. Maybe not eating lunch was a bad idea if it would make him this tired, but he refused to entertain that thought. Wasn’t their some world record guy who went years without food? Well, he couldn’t remember, but he thought there was and that was enough. He would be strong. He didn’t need food. It would just take some getting used to like everything else had. He wasn’t going to start eating lunch every day again just because he felt a little sleepy. He could have it tomorrow. It would be every other day just like he planned. Or maybe he could just have a protein bar once every day. Would that be less calories than lunch every day? Would that make him more of a weakling or less than skipping lunch every other day? It was too much to think about in his tired state and he soon fell asleep.

Only one thing truly mattered at the end of the day. He needed to become the perfect phantom. To become weightless. To become pure. That would make him stronger. That was the key to avoiding his fears and becoming useful to those he cared about most. That was all that mattered.


	3. Shouts and Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay chapter 2! I'm really excited about this fic. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Comments are appreciated! Sorry it's a bit shorter this time.

Akashi surveyed the bench, or rather, the first string members sitting on the bench before him, and sighed. Nijimura was out with the flu. Haizaki was no longer part of the team. Kise had a photo shoot that was running late (who even schedules photoshoots on school days?!). Sekiguchi twisted his ankle the day before and was supposed to be resting it, and Kubota was half asleep! That left him with himself, Midorima, Murasakibara, Aomine, and Kuroko for the first half of the game.

His eyes rested on their phantom sixth man, Kuroko. Even if he put Kuroko on the starting line-up, they could win this game easily. They didn’t need to reserve him or anything this time and Kise should be back to take over before Kuroko ran out of steam. However, Kuroko was huddled in his spot as if he was cold despite wearing both his long sleeve shirt and warm-up jacket over his jersey. He hadn’t mentioned being sick, but he certainly looked it. Akashi was hesitant to even put him on the court and he wouldn’t if he had a choice, but he didn’t. Well he did, but the half asleep Kubota was probably a worse choice than the sick looking phantom man if past experiences were anything to go by. Therefore, he didn’t have a choice.

“Tetsuya, you’re starting today.” Akashi ordered.

Kuroko turned startled eyes towards his captain and nodded. He didn’t feel up to playing, but orders were orders and he didn’t want to disappoint. Especially not his captain. He had barely eaten all week though and the effects were sinking in despite having eaten ‘lunch’ that day (if a 200 calorie protein bar can even be considered such). Dizziness followed every sudden movement and couldn’t seem to get warm no matter how much clothing he put on. As he removed the shirt and jacket covering his jersey, a shiver passed through him. He shouldn’t be cold. No one else was cold. But he was. He wanted to curl up in his jacket again, but he noticed Akashi was eyeing him with a concerned look, so he breathed in and straightened his back preparing to tough it out.

Akashi watched, his concern growing with every second even as they stood across from their opponents. Maybe Kubota would have been a better choice after all. It wasn’t that cold, but Kuroko was still shivering. Akashi wasn’t the only one who noticed either.

Even though Kuroko felt terrible, he made all his passes and he thought he was hiding his discomfort pretty well till the other team called a time out. Momoi handed him his water bottle with a worried expression and Midorima kept glancing over at him.

After the third or fourth glance, Midorima finally spoke. “If you aren’t feeling well, Kuroko, just tell Akashi. I’m sure we can wake Kubota up.”

“Don’t push yourself too hard Tetsu-kun.” Momoi added.

Kuroko shook his head and took another swig of his water. He was fine. He didn’t need their concern and he didn’t want it. “I’m fine.” He snapped perhaps a bit too harshly. It accomplished what he wanted though. Midorima was thrown off by the unusual forcefulness of the tealnettes tone but he just shrugged and went back to the court and even though Momoi looked like she wanted to say something, she held her tongue. Of course, Kuroko felt bad for being the cause of the sad gleam in the pinknette’s eyes, but he wasn’t going to apologize and risk opening the door for further conversation. Instead, he made his way back on to the court making an effort to not trip and hoping his crush hadn’t seen or heard anything.

Of course, his crush was Akashi and Akashi was neither blind nor deaf. He heard and saw everything and it only convinced him further that something was up. He didn’t know what, but Kuroko wasn’t acting like Kuroko.

The first half ended at 48 to 31 with Teiko in the lead and Kuroko was replaced by Kise for the second half. The game ended with Teiko winning with a score of 89 to 64 and the team decided to go to Maji burger to celebrate.

Kuroko didn’t want to go, but Akashi and Midorima kept giving him concerned looks and he didn’t want them to think anything was wrong. Of course, maybe they just thought he shouldn’t be coming because he was so fat and the last thing he needed was to be eating a damn burger. He decided they probably weren’t thinking that, but he certainly was.

It wasn’t like he was going to escape joining them without a good reason though, not with Kise and Momoi pouting and practically dragging him. Misdirection doesn’t work very well when the people you are trying to hide from are physically touching you. Not even a real ghost could probably get away from the blond and pinknette if the latter two were determined enough. So he reluctantly resigned himself to go.

As he sat in the booth with Kise, Momoi, and Midorima, he silently hoped Akashi and Aomine would forget to order him anything since he didn’t give them his order. His hopes were crushed when Aomine set a tray down in front of him.

“Yo. I got your usual since you forgot to give me your order.” Aomine shrugged.

Kuroko nodded and turned his attention to the food on his tray. He had barely eaten all week, so maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal. It was just a small burger and fries with a vanilla milkshake. He used to eat it all the time.

_I used to be fatter too….I still am fat…._ he thought to himself.

He must have been staring at his tray longer than he thought because he could feel multiple pairs of eyes on him. When he looked up, he realized everyone had stopped in the middle of eating their meals and was looking at him with worried expressions. Their gaze made him feel uncomfortable and he shifted in his seat trying to think of something to say, but Aomine beat him to it.

“Oi, Tetsu…aren’t you going to eat?” Aomine nodded towards the untouched meal.

Kuroko tensed briefly and pushed his tray a few inches away while shaking his head. “I’m not hungry.”

“You’re not hungry.” Akashi repeated with obvious disbelief evident in his words as he narrowed his eyes skeptically. Even if Kuroko did have a small appetite, the boy just played two quarters of a game and the only thing Akashi had seen him eat beforehand was a protein bar at lunch. There was no way the tealnette wasn’t hungry.

No one else looked like they believed their sixth member either and finally Kise broke the uncomfortable growing silence. “Not even for a milkshake? Are you sick Kurokocchi?”

Kuroko flinched. He was getting tired of hearing that question, of the others asking him if he was sick or if he was okay, and he couldn’t stop the frustration leaking into his voice as he shouted he was fine. The table instantly became quiet again since no one knew what to say, not even their leader who always seemed to be a step ahead of everyone.

Akashi was clearly worried, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. He was as stunned as everyone else and could only watch as Kuroko suddenly grabbed his belongings and fled.

After several minutes passed, Momoi, who had been staring at the door Kuroko left through, turned back to the others. “What’s going on with Tetsu-kun?” She asked shakily.

Akashi shook his head. “I don’t know.” He whispered.

“I don’t know either.” Midorima replied and pushed his glassed up further on his nose.

“Same…” Aomine and Kise admitted in unison.

Akashi inhaled deeply and let out an audible sigh. “Let’s just keep an eye on him for now.”

* * *

 

Kuroko ran as far as he could before slowing to a walk. When he got to his apartment, he threw the door open and slammed it shut in anger. He went straight to the bedroom and buried his face in the pillow on his bed.

Why was he acting like this? Why was he feeling like this? His friends were just concerned about him and he yelled at them. They didn’t deserve that. What if they hated him now? What if Akashi…..

With a groan he pulled the pillow out from under his face and threw it against the wall as if that would somehow help. It didn’t. Tears started pouring down his face without his consent and he buried his head against the comforter groaning in frustration.

This wasn’t like him. It wasn’t like him to get mad. It wasn’t like him to let others see his anger when he did get mad. It certainly wasn’t like him to get so worked up over nothing and be so emotional. He wasn’t used to this and he didn’t understand it. He felt like a child having a temper tantrum. At least no one was home. At least his parents rarely ever returned, now that he was old enough to care for himself, and he wouldn’t have to worry about them barging in and asking questions he couldn’t answer. He didn’t really want to think about them though. What would they think if they saw their failure of a child in such a state? He didn’t want to know. They would probably hate him too.

He was a failure. A failure of a son. A failure of a friend. A failure of a basketball player. A failure of a phantom. A failure of a human being.

He groaned again and desperately tried to halt his thoughts and calm himself. It worked a little better this time and the tears stopped falling at least, but only because the day had finally drained him of all his energy. His whole body felt heavy and begged for sleep and he was inclined to give in.

Kuroko got to his feet with a great deal of effort and changed his clothes. Since he had already showered at the gym after the match, he didn’t need to worry about that. Even though it was still light out, the tealnette pulled back the covers on his bed and crawled in.

 

Kuroko kept his phone off over the weekend. Most of the two days was spent sleeping. He didn’t eat a single bite. Maybe things would get better when he wasn’t so disgusting.

He just needed to become a better phantom. Everything would be okay then. He just had keep pushing himself, for his team, for Akashi, and for himself.


	4. Apples

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been updating my stories as frequently lately! Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Feedback/comments are very very very much appreciated!!!!

Kuroko groaned as he rolled onto his stomach and hit the dismiss button on his alarm clock Monday morning. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and rolled back over to stare at the ceiling. Mornings were never his favorite thing, but lately they were worse. Convincing his body to actually move took longer than it used to. He felt weak like he didn’t have the strength or energy to move. It usually took at least ten minutes to find the strength and will power to get out of bed. Today wasn’t any different. At least he usually felt a bit stronger once he was up, enough that he could carry out his morning routine without falling over.

After making the bed so he wouldn’t be tempted to crawl back under the covers, he made his way to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth quickly and washed his face feeling a bit more alive after the cold water hit his skin. Then he grabbed his uniform and began dressing.

As he pulled up his pants, he realized the skin of his left lower leg felt numb. There was still feeling in it, but it was dulled drastically. He tired shaking it in case it was asleep. When that didn’t work, he tried hitting it. That didn’t work either. He didn’t have any more time to spare though so he shrugged. Maybe it would wear off on its own. It wasn’t such an uncomfortable feeling that he couldn’t wait for that.

Leaving the numb skin issue be, Kuroko looked in the mirror the same way he did every morning and reminded himself the same things.

“Phantoms are weightless but I am fat. I must stay strong. I can do this. Work hard, don’t eat. It’s simple. I will not be weak. I will be strong for my team and Akashi.” He said to the mirror in a determined tone while glaring fiercely at his reflection. Satisfied with his little pep talk, he spent a few minutes in a futile attempt to tame his unruly hair before leaving the bathroom. He grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder then left the apartment.

About half way to school, he started feeling lightheaded and his vision blurred causing him walk straight into Aomine.

“Ano…I’m sorry…” Kuroko apologized with a slight bow after taking a step back. The bow turned out to be a mistake. It made him dizzy and he stumbled forward. Lucky for him, Aomine was quick and managed to catch him before his face could say hello to the ground.

“Oi!” Aomine shouted angrily before narrowing his eyes when he recognized the light blue messy hair. “Tetsu?”

“Aomine-kun?” Kuroko replied while removing Aomine’s hands and steadying himself.

“Tetsu…you okay?”

Kuroko sighed and fought the urge to yell again at being asked that stupid question. He managed to keep his usual bland expression and tone. “I’m okay Aomine-kun. I just lost my balance.”

Aomine sighed. His shadow could be so clumsy sometimes, he thought. He turned around and started walking again. Kuroko followed taking care to stay close to Aomine in case the weird dizziness returned.

Perhaps he should have just stayed home. He was exhausted and his mind was darting all over the place. Getting up had been so difficult anyway so why didn’t he just stay in bed?

 _Because you’ll never lose weight lazing around in bed all day, fatty…_ his brain helpfully supplied the answer to his question. _And I definitely have a lot to lose,_ he thought bringing his hand to pinch the flesh between his ribs and hip… _a LOT._

As they reached the classroom door, Aomine stopped in front of him suddenly and turned. He bent over slightly to get closer to Kuroko’s ear before whispering. “I forgot to tell you….Akashi might be kind of mad at you.”

Kuroko gulped. Akashi being mad was never a good thing, especially for the person that anger was directed at. Cautiously, the tealnette peeked around Aomine to see Akashi standing by his desk radiating a deadly aura; however it softened when Akashi saw his face. The red head beckoned Kuroko over and Kuroko obeyed doing his best to keep his physical discomfort hidden as well as his fear. It wasn’t easy, but he was a master of neutral expressions, something he was quite thankful for when he had to deal with Akashi who read people easily.

Kuroko stopped in front of Akashi and boldly met his eyes. “Can I help you Akashi-kun?”

“You didn’t answer your texts and all calls went to voicemail all weekend. I was worried.” Akashi answered in a calm but dangerous tone.

“I’m sorry Akashi-kun.” Kuroko bowed, although it was hesitant since he didn’t want a repeat of the previous bow that morning. Luckily, he didn’t get dizzy this time and straightened up.

Akashi sighed as his anger slowly dissipated. He could never stay mad at Kuroko for very long and to be honest, he wasn’t that angry in the first place; he was worried. He nodded his acceptance of Kuroko’s apology and walked past him. Before he got to the door, he turned around and got Kuroko’s attention. “I will see you at lunch.” He stated.

Kuroko froze for a second but quickly recovered. “I can’t Akashi-kun. My apologies.”

“Oh?” Akashi raised an eye brow and crossed his arms over his chest. “And why not?”

“I promised to help the librarian today during lunch.” Kuroko lied and held his breath hoping his captain would believe him.

“I suppose it can’t be helped.” Akashi shrugged. Kuroko was lying, but class would start soon and this wasn’t the place to argue so he let it go. “Then I will see you at practice.”

“Hai.” Kuroko replied and watched as Akashi left. Once he was sure the red head wasn’t coming back because the bell had rung, Kuroko let out the breath he had been holding and rested his head on his desk. Dealing with Akashi so early in the morning could be quite draining, especially since Kuroko swore his heart sped up to twice it’s normal pace when Aomine told him Akashi was angry at him and then doubled that speed when Akashi admitted to being worried. Thank god he didn’t blush easily. “Ugh.” He tilted his head to the side so he could stare out the window at the sun rising. He decided to rest during morning classes like that in hopes that he could charge up his battery for practice later because at the moment, it was dead.

When lunch time rolled around, Kuroko escaped to the library. He spent most of the time reading and keeping to the farthest corner just in case Akashi sent someone to check on him. Every time he heard someone enter, he would stand and pretend to be organizing the books on the shelves or something. Since it was lunch though, only three people actually came in and none came to the back corner.

Somehow, he managed through his afternoon classes without sleeping the entire time. When the bell rang, he headed for the gym locker rooms and stuffed his bag in his locker then took his clothes to the bathroom to change. He didn’t want the others to have to see how disgusting he looked…or maybe he was afraid of what they would think. Either way, he wasn’t going to change in the open. Of course, it was unlikely anyone would even notice him, but his biggest fear was Akashi walking in and Akashi often could see him. And that was the absolute last person he wanted to be seen half naked by when he was still so fat.

As he changed, he realized his lower leg still had that weird numb feeling. It hadn’t gone away at all. Again, he tried shaking it and pinching it with no success. He gave up and put his uniform in his locker then headed out to the gym.

Practice was long and Kuroko swore he was close to fainting half way through. He had a headache and his stomach was cramping as well, but that was nothing new. He couldn’t help but realize his performance was worse than usual though. His running was slower and he actually had to stop a few times to catch his breath and stretch his already aching muscles. His reflexes were also worse and drills were a disaster. He was starting to think that maybe he should have eaten. He was also thinking that maybe he shouldn’t eat ever again. In other words, he was torn between believing he was doing worse and feeling crappy because he hadn’t eaten or because he was fat. He was leaning towards the latter.

Akashi kept an eye on Kuroko the entire time and gave him a lighter menu than usual. He normally had a lighter menu than the other players just because he couldn’t always handle the tougher ones without getting sick or passing out, but Akashi had lightened the load a bit more for this practice because Kuroko looked ill. Yet, it still seemed to be a bit much and that had the red head worried. Momoi came in about half way through practice and also noted how sick he looked and even Midorima looked a little concerned. However, none of them said anything to Kuroko. They let it be for the time being and settled for watching with furrowed browns and heavy sighs.

After practice, Kuroko stumbled home only half awake. He kicked off his shoes in the entryway and dragged his feet to the kitchen. Dropping his bag on the table with a thud, Kuroko went to the sink and filled the tea pot with water and put it on the stove. He then took a seat and pulled out his homework. Normally he wouldn’t stay in the kitchen, but he didn’t want to have to walk to his room and then back when the tea was ready. It wasn’t that far of a walk, but he really had no energy left. It appeared he didn’t have the energy to do his homework too. He glared at it trying to focus but the words kept blurring and his attention was everywhere but on the page in front of him. When the tea pot began to whistle, he let out a shaky breath and stood. As he poured the tea, he looked around. Turning off the stove and placing the pot on a cold burner, he opened the cabinet.

Like the rest of the kitchen, it was almost completely barren. There was a box of protein bars, a box of granola bars, rice, and some crackers. Kuroko shook his head and closed the cabinet before opening the fridge. There were a few carrots and apples on the bottom shelf and he decided to grab one of the apples. He washed it off in the sink then placed it on the cutting board and chopped it into small pieces. It was something he had read that cutting food into tiny pieces helped you eat less and feel full faster, so he went with it. Once it was all cut up, Kuroko placed it on a small black plate. It was something else he had read; eating off of dark colored dishes helped you eat less too apparently. He took it to the table and sat down with his tea.

He didn’t want to eat. For a moment, he considered just throwing it in the trash and he almost did it, but he stopped himself. He glared at the food as if it was the most offensive thing on the planet to him, and in a way, it kind of was. But he was weak. He needed to do his homework or else his grades would slip and he would be an even bigger failure than he already was. If an apple could help him do that, he needed to eat it. That didn’t make him feel better though. The reasoning was sound, but the core of the problem, his own weakness, upset him.

Still glaring at the innocent apple, he put his feet on the chair and hugged his knees to his chest. With a trembling hand, he reached out and grabbed a piece of the fruit and slowly brought it to his mouth. He wanted to be sick as he swallowed it and reach for another. A few tears escaped his eyes, but he kept reaching for piece after piece. He suddenly felt so hungry that he couldn’t stop his hand from grabbing more until the whole apple was gone. He stared at the empty plate for a moment before burying his face in his knees and letting out a quiet sob.

 _I’m so stupid…so fucking weak….why…_ he thought as the tears flowed down his face. He had gone so long without eating and he just ruined it with an apple so he could do some dumb homework. Why wasn’t he stronger!? Why couldn’t he restrain himself!? And how was he supposed to concentrate on his homework if he was crying and distracted by the calories that were probably turning into lumps of fat at that very moment!

“Damn it!” He cursed, which was highly unusual for him. Angry at himself for eating and even more angry for wishing there was more to eat, he lashed out on the plate shoving it to the floor. “Damn it…damn it…stupid...” he cried slamming his fist into his shin. Shoving the plate helped a little but not enough. He wasn’t mad at the plate anyway. He was mad at himself. He wanted to hurt himself so he dug his nails into his thighs as hard as he could. The pain eased his anger and frustration far more than shoving a plate and eventually his breathing calmed. His tears did not.

But he had to concentrate. He had to stop crying and do his work or else it would have all been for nothing and that would make it even worse. However, first he needed to record the ‘meal.’ Still crying and shaking, he pulled out his little journal from his school bag and scribbled the word apple with the number of calories next to it on the page labeled with the current date. A few tears fell on the page but he didn’t care. He put the journal in his jacket pocket and forced himself to get through his homework. At least the apple did seem to help clear the fog that had taken up residence in his brain. His failure wasn’t in vain.

By nine o’clock he finished and packed everything back in his bag. Kuroko pushed himself out of his seat and went to his room where he opened up his laptop and clicked on a page in his browsers bookmarks. It was a site that calculated calories burned doing different activities. He pretty much had everything memorized by this point, but it was easier to just use the site, especially when he was so worn out. He trusted the computer more than his weary brain anyway.

It only took a few moments to type everything in. Once the site calculated the numbers, he pulled out his journal again and under the words ‘calories burned,’ he wrote the number down. With that finished, he set the journal aside and went to change into his sleepwear. After that, he spent some time scrolling through some inspirational weight loss sites, both healthy and disordered, for about an hour before finally crawling into bed and drifting off to sleep.


	5. Exhaustion Wins

Phantoms are pure and weightless but the reflection staring back at him was anything but. It was disgusting and dripping with lack of control in the form of fat. Kuroko pinched his stomach repulsed with what he felt. He didn’t understand how there could still be so much fat. It wasn’t like he was blind. He could see his ribs and hip bones sticking out, but even though they were visible, it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. There was still so much fat. But how could he see his bones and still be so huge!?

He was doing everything he could. He only ate fruits, vegetables, and crackers since the incident on Friday, which was more than two weeks ago. He never once ate over 600 calories, but the number on the scale didn’t seem to be dropping any faster. He would try to eat nothing every day if he could, but practice was too much to handle without something in him and he couldn’t risk fainting in front of everyone. He ate at least a piece of fruit before most practices. He just wasn’t strong enough to cut out food completely.

Letting a few tears fall from his eyes he slid down the wall to curl up on the floor. Technically, he didn’t feel strong enough to do anything at the moment. He was tired. Mentally and physically. Bags had taken up permanent residence under his eyes which were often red from lack of sleep or crying, he felt like he was dragging lead weights around whenever he moved, and his lower leg still had that stupid numb feeling that was both worrying and irritating him. The fact that he kept having headaches and stomach cramps all the time wasn’t helping either. Neither was the fogginess in his head and inability to focus. Honestly, he wasn’t sure he could keep this up much longer. But he couldn’t stop either. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t stop. This torturous way of life had ingrained itself in him, become a part of him.

Still, the others were taking notice and it was getting harder to avoid them. He knew they didn’t believe his lies. He knew they were worried. He knew they were watching him closer. He knew, and he wanted to make them believe he was okay, but it wasn’t something he couldn’t do because he couldn’t convince himself of that anymore. Or maybe he couldn’t make them believe it because he didn’t want them to. Maybe a part of him wanted them to worry and to see because that meant his progress was showing. Maybe. But that would be ironic. He was trying to fade away not be noticed….right? He was doing this to be a better phantom…right?

Or was that just a lie he told himself. He wasn’t sure anymore. These thoughts were confusing him and his headache was growing unbearable.

Regardless, nothing would get better by skipping school, which is what was going to happen if he didn’t get off the cold floor soon. That would only make things worse. The clock on the wall told him he already missed his first class and half of his second class. Slowly he moved closer to the counter and grabbed it to help him stand up. He washed his face of the tear stains, swallowed some ibuprophen for the headache and cramps, put on his uniform, and then rushed to school.

Using misdirection and his lack of presence, he slipped into the school and entered his classroom right before third period started. His lateness didn’t go entirely unnoticed unfortunately. The teacher was running late and Aomine and Kise both approached him the moment he walked in. Judging by their faces, they wanted to ask if he was okay, but they didn’t. Instead, they awkwardly greeted him and watched him drag himself to his seat. They tried to start a conversation with him, but he was just too tired. He sighed and pretended to listen to them go on about this and that till the teacher finally entered and they left him alone. He fell asleep soon after and slept till the end of school. No one noticed except his two teammates. They considered waking him for lunch, but he looked like he needed the sleep, so they let him be and made up an excuse to tell Akashi.

However, they couldn’t let him sleep there forever and Kise finally shook him awake. Kuroko opened his eyes and stared around confused for a moment. He hadn’t even realized he had fallen asleep and now it looked like school was over?

“Kurokocchi…it’s time to go to practice.” Kise quietly informed him with a concerned look.

 Kuroko felt bad for worrying him but he was thankful Kise wasn’t being his usual loud self and yelling in his ear. It seemed the pounding in his head hadn’t entirely ceased. Closing his eyes for a brief moment, he gathered his energy and stood with effort. The room spun and if it wasn’t for his grip on his desk and chair, he might have fallen over. If his friends noticed his hesitation though, they didn’t mention it.

Kise offered to carry his bags saying that Kuroko looked tired and should save his energy for practice. Not in the mood to argue, Kuroko agreed and handed them over. Kise took his bags and left the classroom. Kuroko walked up to Aomine who ruffled his hair and told him to wake up before the two of them followed Kise.

When they got to the locker rooms, Kise handed Kuroko his bag and he put it in his locker after taking out his shorts, shirt, and sweatshirt. Then he slipped out to the bathroom to change like he usually did. It was slow moving since his whole body felt completely out of energy and he noticed he was trembling too. By the time he finished and entered the gym, Akashi was already giving everyone orders. He went to stand next to Aomine and wait.

“Tetsuya….” Akashi narrowed his eyes and frowned when he noticed him. “Are you okay to be practicing?”

“Hai…just a little tired.” The tealnette nodded and tried to stop his trembling limbs and stand tall. It didn’t look like Akashi believed his statement but he didn’t tell him to sit down. Instead, he was told to just do half of the regular menu. Then everyone set off to begin running laps.

Every step felt like he was dragging lead weights. Every movement seemed to aggravate a sore muscle. To say he was exhausted seemed to be an understatement but he kept pushing. It was just twenty laps. He was not so pathetic that he couldn’t do twenty laps when everyone else had to do forty. And yet, it took him almost as long for him to finish as it took the others who had twice the amount of running. By the time he finished, he was cold and barely able to keep from falling over. He couldn’t even walk straight as he made his way over to the bench for his water bottle. Everything in his vision was blurry, more so than usual, and even the sounds in the gym seemed distant. Something wasn’t right. He was half way there when he saw a pink blur coming rushing towards him whom he assumed was Momoi.  He tried to smile but found he couldn’t and suddenly he felt the ground beneath his body. He had fallen without even realizing it and was now lying in the middle of the gym floor. He tried to get up but his limbs wouldn’t listen to him and his eyes fell closed regardless of his efforts to keep them open. He was just too exhausted. The last thing he heard was footsteps and a few shouts of his name. Then nothing.

* * *

 

Akashi had noticed Kuroko seemed to be getting worse. The bluenette looked thinner and paler and his movements were slow and unsteady. Akashi swore he could make a page long list of all the oddities occurring and that worried him.

When Kuroko entered the gym, Akashi noticed he was shivering and dragging his feet with a dazed look in his eyes. He looked like he was swaying a bit and his shoulders were slumped in an exhausted manner. Put simply, he looked like hell. However, he said he was fine to practice and Akashi wasn’t going to argue the matter. Kuroko was stubborn and hadn’t been acting like himself lately. Akashi had a hard enough time reading the teal-haired boy and predicting his actions before, but the past few weeks it had been utterly impossible and he felt like he was walking on eggshells around Kuroko. So he assigned Kuroko half the regular training menu.

As usual, Akashi was among the first to finish his laps and stood to the side watching the others and taking notes. He didn’t see Kuroko finish. He didn’t see Kuroko fall. He was taking notes when Momoi started shouting her nickname for Kuroko and looked up to see the bluenette on the floor and Momoi shaking him. He swore his heart stopped mid-beat.

Kuroko had fainted before, but never this early in practice. Dropping his clipboard he sprinted over to the two on the floor and nervously checked Kuroko’s pulse, then let out the breath he was holding when he found it. It was weak but present. By that time, the rest of the Generation of Miracles and first stringers were gathered around with shocked expressions. Though most suspected he wasn’t well, they didn’t expect this.

“Wh…what’s wrong with Kurokocchi…..?” Kise whined.

Midorima stepped closer and waved his hand to tell Momoi and Akashi to move aside. “He probably just fainted…”

“But...” Akashi started to argue, “he barely…”

“I know.” Checking for a fever and finding none, Midorima shook his head. “I think it’s just exhaustion. Someone should take him to the infirmary and let him rest.”

Akashi stepped closer and nodded. “I’ll take him.”

“There is no nurse today though. And what about practice?” Nijimura questioned from behind the group.

“Shintarō can take care of the rest of practice. I’ll stay with Tetsuya. Someone let the coach know when he comes in. When practice ends, Shintarō, bring my things up and Daiki, bring up Tetsuya’s.”

“Sure thing.” Aomine agreed lazily. Midorima nodded and stepped back.

“Then it’s settled. Get back to work.” Akashi ordered while bending down. He gently slid his arms under Kuroko’s body and lifted him up, his frown deepening as he did so and his feet stumbling back a bit from using too much force. Kuroko was lighter than he expected……a lot lighter. Too light. He knew Kuroko had been looking thinner lately…but the boy in his arms barely weighed a thing. Akashi had carried Kuroko when he fainted before, just several months ago, and while Kuroko had always been on the small side, he wasn’t abnormally so. Now Kuroko couldn’t possibly be more than forty kilograms (about 85 to 90 pounds).  After walking out of the gym he realized a strange pattern pressing into his arm under Kuroko’s back. It was the pattern of bones. “Just what is going on Tetsuya….” He whispered in a sorrowful tone.

They reached the nurses office within several minutes and Akashi laid Kuroko down on one of the beds. At first, he pulled the blankets up to Kuroko’s chin and sat in a nearby chair, but eventually his curiosity got to him. Quietly he stood over Kuroko and pulled back the blanket. With gentle movements, he took the hem of Kuroko’s sweatshirt and shirt and pulled it up to reveal the frame hidden beneath. Akashi’s eyes grew wide and he nearly gasped at what he found. It wasn’t exactly unexpected after finding out how light the bluenette had gotten, but it was still hard not to find shocking. Kuroko looked like a skeleton covered in a thin layer of pale skin. How had none of them noticed it yet? How had he, he who sees everything, not noticed how bad it was? Kuroko’s stomach was completely concave and his ribs and hip bones jutted out. It was almost sickening to see but hard to look away, however, the cold air on Kuroko’s now exposed torso made him shiver and Akashi quickly pulled the clothes back down. After he replaced the covers, he practically let himself fall back into the chair still wearing an expression of shock and disbelief as he shook his head slowly and attempted to wrap his head around this new information.

Something was going on. Kuroko was hiding something from them. The question was what. An illness? Maybe it was cancer or some sort of parasite or…..Akashi let his head fall into his hands as he placed his elbows on his knees. He searched for possible illnesses until another thought hit him. What if Tetsuya was being abused, neglected by his parents? Except, he had once said his parents worked overseas. Maybe they weren’t giving him money for food? Maybe Kuroko was doing this to himself though. Then what?

Dragging his hands down his face, he pushed himself off his seat and began pacing back and forth the length of the office. He kept wracking his brain for answers growing more and more frustrated when he couldn’t come up with anything. An unusual emotion for him was starting to take over. Fear.

He stopped pacing and stared at the frail boy on the bed feeling a shiver pass through his body. He wanted to just shake the bluenette till he woke up and then interrogate him. He wanted answers. But he didn’t do that. Resuming his pacing instead, he listened to the clock on the wall tick away the time. He changed his thoughts from figuring out what was wrong to deciding how to approach the problem when Kuroko woke up. He needed a plan of attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have the time, I would love to hear your thoughts/comments! Thank you for reading


	6. Oddities

“That’s it for today!” Midorima called out once practice finished. Everyone mumbled remarks about how glad they were to be done and how tired they were as they made their way to locker rooms to wash up. A few whispers about Kuroko’s fainting spell circulated as well, but nothing much. No one really understood what was going on so there wasn’t much to say.

After taking their showers and changing clothes, Midorima and Aomine grabbed their own things before grabbing Akashi and Kuroko’s belongings respectively. However, as Aomine pulled Kuroko’s bags from the locker, a small black journal landed on the floor open but face down. He didn’t notice it until Midorima brought it to his attention.

“You dropped something.” The greenette stated uninterested.

“Huh? Oh.” Aomine responded as he picked up the journal. Curious as to what it was, he flipped it over and read the page it had opened to. “What is this?”

“What is what? You shouldn’t be going through his things.”

“Yeah but….it’s just a bunch of numbers and names of food.” Aomine argued as he flipped through several more pages and screwed his face into a confused expression.

Sighing, Midorima took the book from the bluenettes hands. He was against going through other people’s things and getting involved in their business, but he figured he would take a look. It could explain Kuroko’s recent behavior. However, flipping through the pages, he realized he couldn’t make sense of it any more than Aomine could. It was literally just page after page of numbers written beside types or names of food under what looked like dates. Some pages indicated the numbers were calories but it looked like lists to Midorima and why Kuroko would have a list of such things didn’t make sense and it didn’t seem important. The only conclusion Midorima could come up with was Kuroko was trying to be healthier which certainly wouldn’t explain why he appeared to be getting sicker. With another sigh he closed the book and handed it back to Aomine. “I don’t know what it is either. Just put it back and let’s go.”

“Yeah, okay. Whatever.” Aomine took it but before he placed it back in the bag, he pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of a few different pages. Then he ran to catch up with Midorima who had left him behind. The strange journal still on his mind, he took a breath and looked over at the greenette who clearly didn’t want to be bothered, and decided to bother him. “Should we tell Akashi?”

“Tell him what?” Midorima growled not sparing Aomine so much as a glance.

“About the book obviously? What if it’s related to-”

“Ugh. We don’t know what it is and we shouldn’t have been nosing around in the first place!”

“It fell out! We weren’t nosing!” Aomine argued clenching his fist feeling the need to defend himself against the horoscope freaks accusations. “Besides, you looked too.”

Pushing his glasses up further on his nose needlessly, Midorima took a deep calming breath to keep himself from exploding at his teammate. “There is nothing for us to tell Akashi.”

“Humph. Fine, but if it turns out it was important and we didn’t…”

“It won’t. Drop it. Now.” The greenette stopped in front of the nurse’s office and glared at Aomine before knocking. “Akashi, it’s us.” He announced before opening the door.

Still busy pacing the room back and forth, Akashi raised his eyes from the floor to where Aomine and Midorima stood just inside the doorway. “Ah. It’s just you two.” He stated seeming distracted as he took his bag from Midorima. “Thank you. Shintaro, you may go.”

With a slight bow, Midorima said good bye leaving Aomine still standing in the doorway.

“Uh…what about me?” The bluenette asked rubbing the back of his head with his hand nervously.

Akashi glared at him. “You’re coming with us. I don’t know the way to Tetsuya’s apartment and you do.” He explained as he pulled out his phone and texted his driver. Then he walked back to the bed Kuroko was still sleeping on. Still shaken by what he had seen earlier, he slid his hands underneath the too thin body of his teammate and carefully picked him. “Let’s go.” He commanded Aomine though his voice lacked its usual certainty and his mind seemed miles away. The two left the room and made their way out to the school gates where Akashi’s driver was waiting.

After they reached Kuroko’s apartment building, Akashi told his driver to take Aomine home before carrying the tealnette up the stairs. He had already fished the keys from Kuroko’s bag since he knew Kuroko lived alone and no one would be around to open the door. Once they were inside, Akashi easily discerned which room was Kuroko’s- it had a basketball poster hanging on it- and placed him on the bed. He couldn’t help but shudder when his hand brushed over Kuroko’s protruding hipbone as he pulled away. He did his best to ignore it though and carefully tucked the tealnette under the covers which were almost the exact same shade of blue as Kuroko’s hair.

Looking around, most of the room was a similar shade of blue or white. It was clean and everything was neatly placed. A few basketball posters decorated the walls and shelves behind and beside the bed held a decent collection of books along with a basketball and various items. It was pretty much what Akashi expected it look like except less spacious. It was maybe the size of Akashi’s closet.

After practically memorizing the space around him, he looked back at Kuroko, who was still fast asleep, before leaving the room. He didn’t want to just leave Kuroko alone in case something bad happened or Kuroko was confused upon waking, so he headed to the kitchen. Perhaps there would be something there that he could cook since it certainly appeared Kuroko could use a good meal.

To his dismay though, he found very little food. About the only thing he could possibly make was some vegetables and rice. Why were the cabinets and fridge practically barren? Did the tealnette forget to go to the grocery store…or was there something more going on.

As he prepped the rice cooker and began chopping up the vegetables, he returned to his earlier thoughts. There were so many red flags warning that something was very wrong with Kuroko Tetsuya, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fit the puzzle pieces together to form a coherent picture. He had to be missing something, but what? What was this important piece of information that was eluding him?

Akashi took a deep breath as he grabbed a pan from one of the cabinets and dumped the chopped vegetables and some oil in. Knowing it would take the stove a few minutes to heat up, he decided to investigate his surroundings some more. Perhaps he could find some clues.

The whole apartment was hardly larger than his bedroom. It had the basics: two bedrooms, a closet, bathroom, dressing room, toilet, small kitchen, and enough open space for a kitchen table, couch, and entertainment center….barely. Most of the furniture was tan or blue and the walls held some paintings but no family photos or personal items.

He started his search with the drawers in the tiny kitchen searching each thoroughly. He wasn’t surprised when he didn’t find anything suspicious there since he hadn’t expected too, but at least he found a spatula. By then, the stove had heated up a bit and he shuffled the vegetables in the pan around a bit before returning to his search. There was a set of shelves against the wall between the kitchen and living room which he decided to examine next.

Of course, he really shouldn’t be going through someone else’s things. He knew that. Even if he was doing it because he cared and was worried, he should go through his stuff without permission. Actually, that was all the more reason why he shouldn’t be doing this, but he needed to know.

“Sorry Tetsuya.” He whispered pointlessly.

At least it wasn’t a fruitless effort. He noticed several bottles on the second to the top shelf neatly placed in two rows. Most looked like vitamins of various kinds, however, a few at the front had words and phrases such as ‘sleep-aid’ or ‘for insomnia’ on the labels.

Taking one of the bottles in his hand, he read the labels more carefully. It wasn’t a prescription but one of those drugs that can be bought off the shelf at just about any drug store. A closer look at the other bottles for sleep meds revealed they were also non-prescription. Upon further inspection, there were signs of frequent use like how the label stickers were slightly peeled and the colors were a bit faded.

“So he’s having a hard time sleeping….” Akashi muttered to himself as he placed the bottles back in their original positions and walked back to the stove to stir the vegetables again. He wondered if it was another symptom or if it was a cause. Not sleeping well could explain the fainting, and irritability. The weight loss and appetite loss could be a side effect of the medications.

Except, that didn’t seem quite right. It wasn’t impossible, but it was hard to believe that all the strange things going on were being caused by not getting enough sleep. There were things that insomnia couldn’t explain as efficiently too. Therefore, Akashi decided insomnia was just another one of those ‘strange things’ going on, another piece of the puzzle. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the piece he needed to complete the picture.

He didn’t have a chance to give it anymore thought though. A soft thump from the hallway startled him. Turning off the stove- since the vegetables were done- he quietly peeked around the corner to see what caused the noise. It was just a half asleep and confused Kuroko who apparently had accidently run in to the wall. Akashi felt the tension in his body flee as a small chuckle escaped his throat. Despite all the heavy emotions he had been feeling just moments ago, he couldn’t help but grin at the sight of his sleepy teammate with that awful bed head. It was both cute and funny.

Well, it was cute and funny to Akashi. It wasn’t to Kuroko and the tealnette glared at his captain.

“What are you doing in my apartment?” Kuroko asked.

“At the moment, I’m laughing at your hair.”

Kuroko huffed and tried to comb through his hair with his fingers, but the effort was in vain. Giving up, he noticed the smell of food that filled the air and froze. Why was there food cooking? Did Akashi cook? Was he going to be expected to eat?

“Akashi….” Kuroko began, about to ask about the scent before another thought popped into his head. “Wait….how did I get home? The last thing I remember…”

“You fainted after you ran your laps.” Akashi interrupted, his expression turning serious. “Shintarō expected you might be exhausted so I took you to the infirmary and after practice ended, I brought you home. Daiki directed my driver to your house.”

Kuroko’s eyes widened as he took in the information. He had fainted? In the middle of practice in front of everyone no less? And then Akashi took him to the infirmary?! Not only did he faint in front of his crush like a pathetic loser, but said crush carried him to the nurses office! Did Akashi notice how fat he was when carrying him? Did he think Kuroko was disgusting now? Or maybe Akashi thought he was a useless weakling for fainting so early in practice. Would he be kicked off the team?

“Tetsuya!” Akashi shook the tealnettes shoulders till teal eyes made contact with his.

Kuroko had been too caught up in his panicked thoughts to realize he had zoned out and was nearly hyperventilating, but Akashi’s voice brought him back to the present and he managed to calm his breathing.

Akashi studied Kuroko closely. He wasn’t sure what had just happened, but it worried him. “Are you okay?” He asked in hopes of getting the truth and not another lie since Kuroko did seem to be lying a lot lately. However, Kuroko gave him a weak smile and he knew he wouldn’t get a real answer. And he didn’t.

“I’m fine Akashi-kun.” Kuroko replied. He noticed how his captains’ frown deepened but did his best not to let that bother him. Instead, he tried to change the subject. “Are you cooking something?”

Taking a deep breath to keep himself from getting angry over the lie and forced subject change, Akashi removed his hands from Kuroko’s shoulders. Without a word, he walked back into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl. He heard Kuroko take a seat at the table as he spooned the rice into the bowl and some of the vegetables on top. Knowing Kuroko would probably feel awkward otherwise, Akashi fixed a bowl for himself. After filling two cups with water, he placed the meals on the table and took the seat across from Kuroko. “Eat up.” He ordered.

Kuroko stared at the food much the same way he had stared at that apple over a week ago. In other words, he stared at it as if it had somehow offended him. Perhaps if he had actually finished practice, it wouldn’t be so bad. At least then he would have still burned more calories than the food in front of him contained. But since he had already eaten a protein bar and had only managed to run a few laps, there was no way he could just eat more food.

And yet, he didn’t really have much of a choice in the matter. He couldn’t let Akashi find out his secret. Even if he could come up with a believable lie, Akashi made this food for him. He didn’t want to insult the red head by refusing it. He would just have to find a way to get rid of the calories after….except it would be too late at night to work out. There was another way though….he had never tried it but, it would let him eat without giving the calories a chance to pile onto his body in the form of more gross fat….

After sparing a quick glance at his captain, he decided he would just have to do that other thing and picked up his chopsticks with shaky hands. He then refocused his glare on the food. Gradually, he picked up one of the vegetables and brought it to his mouth. After chewing probably a hundred times and finally swallowing, he raised his eyes again to look at Akashi. “It’s good.”

With a small smile, Akashi nodded. For a moment, he thought Kuroko was actually going to refuse to eat again, but it turned out his fears were unfounded. He was grateful for that. Picking up his own chopsticks, he began eating his own portion.

The meal continued in near silence with the only sounds being that of chewing and chopsticks hitting the dishes. When Akashi finished, Kuroko was only half through his bowl, but as Akashi stood to take his empty dish to the sink, he found Kuroko already standing in front of him.

“Don’t worry about the dishes Akashi-kun.” Kuroko said as he took Akashi’s bowl. “You should probably be getting home.”

Taking a quick peek at the clock, Akashi couldn’t help but agree. Still….. “Are you sure you are okay? If something is wrong, you can tell me.”

Kuroko flinched at the concerned tone Akashi had. “I’m sure.” He replied. Setting the dishes on the counter, he turned back to face his captain and bowed deeply. “Thank you for dinner…and for taking care of me today. If there is anything I can do to repay you, please let me know.”

Shaking his head at the overly polite display, Akashi placed his hand under Kuroko’s chin till the tealnette was standing straight again. A part of him wanted to say ‘you can repay me by ceasing your lying’ but he refrained. “It’s nothing, Tetsuya. Take care and get some rest tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He replied. Then he placed a quick kiss on Kuroko’s forehead, gathered his things and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So originally, Midorima was supposed to know what the journal was and thus know Kuroko's secret and tell Akashi and Akashi was supposed to confront Kuroko, but obviously I changed that. 
> 
> Comments/feedback appreciated!


	7. Purge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Description of purging

For a moment, Kuroko was frozen in place, mouth agape, with a blush that reached the tip of his ears. He swore his heart was racing faster than a race car as he stared at the space in front of him where his captain had been standing a moment ago. It was just a small kiss on the forehead, but it was from his crush! Not to mention said crush had been in his home and made him dinner! Akashi had touched his things, been in his room, cared for him……..

Now his mind was sounding like one of those love sick school girls from an anime making a big deal out of absolutely nothing. And that’s what all this was. Nothing. There was no way his captain had any feelings for him and certainly not the kind of feelings he had for his captain, so all this giddiness was truly pointless.

Giving himself a light slap on the cheeks, he turned back to the counter where the bowls still sat. His face dropped instantly and his chest felt tight.

 _Oh…._ He thought as he remembered his earlier decision. He still had something he needed to do, and it wasn’t washing dishes.

Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, he willed his feet to take him to the bathroom. The first thing he did was take off his shirt and stand in front of the mirror. Out of habit, his fingers pinched the fat on his upper body while he occasionally winced. He was anything but a phantom. The reflection in the mirror looked absolutely huge. Just looking at himself made Kuroko feel nauseous. How pathetic…

Not bothering to put his shirt back on, he turned to the toilet and dropped to his knees. His hands were shaking and he could feel a slight bit of sweat forming on his forehead along with the rapid beating of his heart.

_I can do this. I must do this….._

Hesitantly, he shoved his hand into his mouth like he had seen in pictures and read descriptions of online. A few tears leaked from his eyes.

_I will take back control. I can fix this._

He began moving his fingers around. At first, he just choked and it was hard to keep his hand in, especially without biting down on it. After a few seconds, he could feel the bile rise up in his esophagus and pulled out his hand just in time. Kuroko blinked as some of the toilet water splashed on his face when the vomit spilled into the bowl. The vomit burned the back of his throat and left an acidic taste in his mouth. More tears trailed down his cheeks as he looked at his results. It wasn’t enough. Once wasn’t enough. He shoved his hand in his mouth again and repeated the process.

_I can’t stop….not till I’m empty…_

His thoughts yelled at him to keep going again. His throat was raw. Tears were stinging his eyes. His nose was running. His knuckles had teeth marks. All in all, it was a terrible experience. Still, his mind urged him to continue. To keep going. If he quit now it would just be pathetic. He couldn’t let himself be pathetic.

Eventually, no matter how long he forced his hand to stay in his mouth or how much he wiggled his fingers about, he only choked. Nothing was left to vomit. The deed was done.

Shaking far more than he had been before, he struggled to pull a sheet of toilet paper off the roll to wipe his eyes and nose. By the time he succeeded, he realized it would be easier to just take a shower and threw the piece of paper into the toilet before flushing.

He scooted over to the counter and reached up to heave his body off the cold floor and onto his unsteady feet. For a moment, the room was spinning and he had to clutch the counter tightly while leaning against it to keep from falling. When the moment passed, he turned on the shower and adjusted the knobs till the water was just a bit warm. He didn’t dare check his reflection in the mirror.

Stepping into the shower, Kuroko noticed one good thing. He felt lighter and his stomach felt hollow. It was a pleasant feeling and he relished in it while scrubbing the soap over his body. He almost felt….relieved, like a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Maybe purging wasn’t so bad. The act was uncomfortable and even painful, but the effects after could almost be described and therapeutic, especially compared to the earlier discomfort. Sure, his throat was still sore, but his insides felt pure.

Closing his eyes to make the most of the feeling, he continued lathering the soap on until he brushed over his hip. Opening his eyes, he glanced down and pulled the cloth over the same spot again. He repeated twice more with a deepening frown. The spot on his hip felt the same as the spot on his leg. For how long had it felt like that? Why was it happening again?

Just like his lower leg, hitting and pinching didn’t relieve the odd sensation at all. He tried digging his nails in this time too until the indented skin was purple but he hardly felt it. It was useless and Kuroko gave up with a heavy sigh. The pleasant feeling from earlier was fading and being replaced by pure exhaustion and soreness. He couldn’t deal with these small nuisances anymore. It just wasn’t in him.

After drying off, he dragged his feet to his room and almost ran into the door because he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes open. He dropped the towel on the floor and pulled on his night clothes before plopping on his bed. The sheets felt soft against his sensitive skin and the blankets offered comforting warmth as he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 

It wasn’t unusual for Kuroko to feel sore and stiff when he woke up, but the pain in his throat was an unpleasant addition he could have lived without. Since waking up, he could barely stand to swallow more than a few sips of water. He would have been perfectly happy to spend his lunch period in the library and maybe even take a nap (and now he was thinking like Aomine….great), but Akashi showed up before he could take off. His only choice was to follow his captain to the lunch room and wonder why Akashi came to get him. Sometimes Akashi ordered Kise and Aomine to bring him, but he never came himself. Kuroko just hoped Akashi didn’t find out his secret. It was unlikely since he was too fat for anyone to possibly catch on- even if Kuroko admitted to having an eating disorder no one would believe him with how fat he still was…at least that’s what he thought-, but there was still a hint of fear in the corner of his mind.

As soon as he sat down at the table, he could feel the others staring at him. Then a wrapped onigiri and a banana were pushed in front of him by Akashi.

“I figured you didn’t have any time to grab groceries last night.” He explained.

“Th..thank you.” Kuroko winced at the pain in his throat from talking. He eyed the food with disgust but he didn’t want to raise suspicions. Just because no one knew his secret now didn’t mean they couldn’t find out. With shaky clammy hands he unwrapped the onigiri and took slow hesitant bites until he felt Akashi’s stare leave him. He made sure to drink plenty of water in between bites even though it aggravated his raw throat. It only took about half before he began feeling sick and put it down. “I’m done. Please excuse me.” He whispered quietly hoping no one would hear or notice.

“Oi, you barely ate anything!” Aomine eyed his shadow with a scowl. His outburst brought the others attention to them.

“Tetsuya, I will not have you fainting at practice again. At least eat the banana.”

“I’ll feed it to you if you want Kurokocchi!!”

Kuroko let out a sigh and picked up the yellow fruit. “I can feed myself Kise-kun.” He informed the blond as he took a bite, “And I can take care of myself Akashi-kun, Aomine-kun.”

“Yeah right, Tetsu. Did you forget you fainted yesterday after just running a little!?”

“The idiot has a point.” Midorima added.

“We are all just worried about you, Tetsuya. Just finish the banana.”

“Hai.” Kuroko grumbled.

 Swallowing the banana was a bit easier to manage at least due to the smooth texture but it didn’t make it easier to accept. Why were his friends making him eat anyway? Just because he fainted? Couldn’t they see how fat and gross he was? Couldn’t they see that forcing him to eat would only make him a worse phantom which would make him useless on the team!?

Mind swirling with angry thoughts aimed towards his teammates, he took his time finishing and didn’t bother with politeness afterward. He stood up and left without telling anyone and rushed to the bathroom. As he entered one of the stalls, he wondered if he would even need his fingers.

After checking to make sure he was alone, he bent over the toilet and stuck his hand into his mouth. It was much easier than it had been the night before. The bile rose quickly and spilled into the toilet. He wasn’t sure why he was purging after eating so little. He wasn’t sure why he thought it was a good idea to purge at school of all places. Apparently, he had already become dependent on this method of salvation called purging. It was pathetic, but it was true. And it only took one time. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that, about any of it really. He was sinking further and further into a world he never meant to enter and he wasn’t even trying to resist it. If anything, he was welcoming it with open arms. It was wrong. All of this was wrong. Kuroko knew that but it wasn’t enough to stop him from shoving his finger down his throat several more times.

Once Kuroko finished, he lowered himself to the floor and shut his eyes letting a few stay tears fall.

 _It’s only temporary._ He thought to himself pulling his knees to his chest. All of this was only temporary. Even the burning in his throat that felt like there was a fire searing it from within. Even the growling of his empty stomach. Even his aching body and anger towards his friends. Even the exhaustion and headaches. It was all temporary. It was just until he became a better phantom.

Forcing himself to his feet he used the wall to support him during the initial wave of dizziness. He wondered if that was going to happen every time and hoped not.  If he wasn’t so weak, he wouldn’t have to do this. If he could just be perfect…. With a sigh, he flushed the toilet and unlocked the door still immersed in his thoughts. He was careful to rinse out his mouth with generous amounts of water- perhaps he should start bringing mouthwash to school- and wash his fingers several times to rid them of any evidence. There was nothing he could do about the teeth marks, but he was practically invisible to most people so it didn’t matter.

Stepping out of the bathroom, Kuroko immediately ran into something. Actually, it was a someone. Taking a few steps back he bowed. “My apologies,” he barely managed to croak out due to the pain speaking caused his throat.

“Kuroko? Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

Kuroko straightened up with wide eyes. “Nijimura-senpai! I…”

“Don’t worry about it kid.” Kuroko’s senpai chuckled and waved his hands to dismiss the issue.

“Hai….. Well I’ll be going now.”

“Wait.”

“Yes?”

“Is everything okay? You fainted yesterday and,”

“Everything is fine.” Kuroko nervously cut him off. “I just didn’t get enough sleep.”

“Oh.” Nijimura didn’t look like he believed Kuroko’s answer. He was going to inquire further, but was cut off before he had the chance to open his mouth again.

“I really must be going now senpai. Please excuse me.”

“Very….well..” Nijimura trailed off realizing the phantom was already gone. He wondered why his underclassman was lying to him. He would expect it from one of the others, especially Aomine or Kise, but Kuroko was usually polite and honest. At least, he thought the kid was. He also though Kuroko was the least troublesome, but now, he wasn’t so sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those wondering, the numb feeling in the leg and hip is due to poor circulation which can be caused by starvation. It's not permanent, thank god, and it doesn't hurt, but it can be annoying when your attention is drawn to it for whatever reason.


	8. Taking Notice

The sounds of retching and coughing filled the small school bathroom on the second floor at the far north end for several minutes towards the end of lunch period. It was a common occurrence over the past two weeks. Then the sound of a flushing toilet mixed with a few sobs before water gushed from the sink faucet. Then it was quiet. Almost eerily quiet. A teal haired boy with a sickly greyish complexion, matching his ghostly lack of presence, and a baggy uniform would step out or sometimes stumble. His eyes were always faintly red around the edges and his cheek bulged ever so slightly from the presence of a mint in his mouth. His shoulders drooped, but only noticeable if one really looked at him, which was quite a task.

If anyone ever heard the strange noises, they didn’t comment or investigate. If anyone saw the boy, they didn’t mention it. But of course, no one saw him. That particular bathroom was always deserted around that time of day save for the tealnette. It was the perfect place to keep such a dirty secret.

It was dirty. It was disgusting. Although there was always a faint bit of relief afterwards, Kuroko felt repulsed by it in the end, almost as much as his body repulsed him. The fat that still seemed to cling to his bones was nauseating. Sometimes, he wished he was blind so he wouldn’t have to see it anymore. Ultimately, his body disgusted him more than the purging, so he didn’t stop.

He couldn’t stop. Like starving, it had become a part of him….far too quickly. It took less than a week for the act to become routine. He could blame it on Akashi if he wanted to. The redhead was the one who kept personally dragging him to lunch and making sure he ate, but he didn’t want to blame Akashi. It wasn’t Akashi’s fault that Kuroko was so weak and disgusting. It wasn’t Akashi’s fault that he didn’t understand he was part of Kuroko’s motivation for doing this, part of why Kuroko needed to starve. None of it was Akashi’s fault. Kuroko’s weakness was no one’s fault but his own.

At least his body was adjusting. He was managing practice again without too much trouble. He had fainted twice since the first time, but he recognized the warning signs now. He could make it to a safe place before he lost consciousness, so no one was ever the wiser. His biggest issue at the moment was the fact he had only lost three pounds in the past two weeks. It was so little; it might have been water weight for all he knew.

As he walked his way back to the classroom, he let his left hand reach across till the fingers could pinch the flesh between his protruding ribs and hip bone. It had become a bit of a habit, pinching his flesh to remind himself of the fat that still clung desperately to his frame. He never pinched hard, just enough to feel the fat roll between his fingers. Just enough to disgust him and renew his resolve.

Lost in his world of self-deprecating thoughts, he never noticed the red eyes following his movements from the door of a classroom.

By the time Kuroko returned to his classroom, Aomine and Kise had returned as well. Kise stopped his usual banter with Aomine to cast Kuroko a worried glance which the tealnette ignored. Kuroko dropped his body into his seat and rested his head on his crossed arms atop the desk. His throat ached and his voice had become hoarse over the past few days so he avoided speaking as much as possible. Few took note of this however because he was never much of talker to begin with. A few less words was hardly a significant change, and with his sickly pallor, most would likely assume he had a bad bug.

Kuroko hoped class would start soon. He hoped Kise would get the hint that he was too tired to talk and keep away.

Hopes are easily crushed.

Kise was already walking towards him with the same worried look, brows slightly furrowed, eyes slightly widened, and lips pressed tightly into a thin line. The blond pulled a chair over so he could sit next to Kuroko before gently prodding the latter’s arms.

“Kurokocchi?” He asked in a quiet tone. It was too quiet for Kise. It sounded nothing like him, Kuroko thought. Then again, Kise hadn’t been loud around him for a while now. Kise didn’t tackle him for hugs anymore either. Maybe Kise was too disgusted by him? By his flesh. By his weakness. Or maybe Kise just didn’t like him as much anymore. He couldn’t blame the blond if that was the case. Kuroko never hung out with his teammates outside of school or practice anymore and barely spoke to them when he did see them. Being a friend was just another thing Kuroko was a failure at. Pathetic. Still, Kise continued to add ‘cchi’ to his name so maybe it was something else. It was too much for his tired foggy mind to consider right now.

Instead of replying aloud which would surely serve only to further aggravate his burning throat, Kuroko turned his head to face Kise’s direction and made eye contact, willing the blond to quickly say whatever it was he intended.

“Do you need to go to the nurses office?” Kise kept eye contact making Kuroko shift feeling a bit awkward.

Too tired to even express the annoyance at being asked that question or reply with a snarky retort, Kuroko gave a simple shake of his head. It ruffled his hair a bit which Kise surprisingly reached out and smoothed it back down.

Kise took a couple seconds to take in his friends appearance. He had a bad feeling about what might be going on with Kuroko, but he didn’t want to make any assumptions or frighten Kuroko with a blunt question. Instead, he chose to offer his ears.

“Kurokocchi….if anything is wrong, you can tell me. Or the others. You don’t have to but….”

Kuroko offered him a gentle smile and willed himself to utter a few words. “Thank you, Kise-kun. I’m just tired. I promise.”

There was a nod on Kise’s part, but his eyes and the way he pressed his lips together even tighter told Kuroko Kise didn’t believe him. Well, Kuroko wouldn’t have believed it either. He was thankful that Kise didn’t try to press further though. Perhaps it was because the teacher walked in, or maybe Kise was actually trying to respect his space, but the reason hardly mattered. Once the teacher began the lecture, Kuroko dozed off. It wasn’t the best choice since his grades were starting to slip (they were still above Aomine’s), but staying awake took too much effort. He hadn’t kept anything down in three days and the crying from earlier left his eyes sore and tired. They matched the rest of his body.

 

* * *

 

 

Once Kuroko’s figure disappeared into the classroom down the hall, Akashi left his spot in the doorway of his own classroom in favor of his desk. He nodded to Midorima as the two seemed to exchange words through the expressions on their faces, a secret language only known to the two of them. Once Akashi slid into his seat, he pulled out his textbook and pretended to skim the chapters that were currently being covered in class this week.

His attention wasn’t on the text though. He already had that memorized. He simply wanted time alone with his thoughts. After noticing Kuroko slip away towards the end of lunch every day, Akashi decided to follow him. He didn’t follow Kuroko all the way, just far enough to know where Kuroko felt obliged to visit every day without voicing his departure to the others. Perhaps it had something to do with the secret he was hiding.

So far, Akashi had ‘spied’ on Kuroko for four days and for four days, Kuroko went to the same bathroom around the same time. When Kuroko came out, he looked worse for wear, sometimes stumbling a bit, and completely unaware of his surroundings. Akashi didn’t even hide himself and Kuroko never appeared to notice his actions were being monitored. For someone who was usually quite observant, that was odd.

Why would Kuroko go to that particular bathroom though? It was rarely ever used, especially during lunch time. It wasn’t close to the lunch room either. There were several closer bathrooms. Perhaps Kuroko was doing something that required privacy. Akashi briefly considered the possibility of drug deals, but that didn’t seem like something their overly polite team member would get involved in. Unless, he was being coerced. Akashi was aware that bullies had targeted Kuroko in the past, but he thought those idiots had been set straight.

Then again, maybe they had and Kuroko wasn’t being coerced. Using drugs would explain some things. The change in personality, difficulty sleeping, even the lack of appetite, depending on what the drug was. “It’s not drugs though…” Akashi whispered aloud despite himself.

Midorima’s head whipped around so he could eye his captain carefully. “What, in fact, is not drugs?” Midorima asked almost afraid of the answer. Sometimes Akashi’s mind seemed like a dark and twisted place. For all he knew, Akashi was planning some sort of evil torture.

Akashi stared blankly for a moment at the greenette before shaking his head. “I was just thinking to myself.”

“About drugs?” Midorima raised his eyebrow squinting his eyes suspiciously.

“No.” Akashi picked up his pencil and tapped it against his chin. He made a quick decision and pulled out his cellphone. He quickly typed out the words ‘ _I was thinking about Tetsuya_ ,’ before sending it to Midorima. Texting in class was not something two model students should be engaging in, but neither particularly needed to hear the lesson, texts were not disruptive, and Akashi felt the need to share a few thoughts with his friend while they were fresh in his mind. Thus, he waited for Midorima to reply.

 _‘How, in fact, do drugs end up in the same thought process as Kuroko,’_ the text read. Akashi fought the urge to sigh- that would be disruptive and rude- and typed his reply.

_‘He’s been going to the same bathroom towards the end of lunch every day. It’s suspicious.’_

_‘So you thought drugs? That doesn’t sound like Kuroko at all in fact.’_

_‘I don’t know. He’s been acting strange lately,’_ Akashi clicked send without finishing the thought. He wasn’t sure how to finish the thought.

‘ _Perhaps we should discuss this with the others?’_

Akashi stared at the screen of his red smartphone. He wasn’t sure he wanted to bring the others in yet. It was obvious they knew something was going on too. All of first string and the coach were aware and many had commented about Kuroko’s appearance as of late. Though, Kuroko’s performance was improving which seemed to appease the coach at least.

It might be best to discuss the matter with only the GOM present. They were the closest to Kuroko. It would be best if they could limit the amount of people involved, especially adults. If it was all a big misunderstanding and nothing was wrong- Akashi highly doubted that was the case, but it doesn’t hurt to consider all possibilities- problems could arise from alerting adults and too many members and might in turn cause a real issue to develop where none presently was.

Honestly, it was easier to keep this in his head and not bring anyone else into the mix at all, except he wasn’t sure he could handle this on his own. He may be a genius, absolute, and all that wonderfulness, but he was still just a middle school kid with limited life experience. Kuroko had the ability to throw him off too, so second opinions might not be a bad idea. At the very least, Midorima might be able to help him sort out his thoughts.

Realizing Midorima was glaring at him and he hadn’t replied yet, Akashi texted back ‘ _We should have a shogi game after practice today.’_

Midorima glanced at the incoming message. Akashi didn’t want to tell the others his suspicions yet. Yes, Midorima could figure that out from the seemingly off topic response he was given. If Akashi wanted to play shogi, it meant he wanted to sort this out for himself first. Maybe bounce a few ideas off of Midorima, but ultimately, he wasn’t ready to bring it to the attention of the other idiots. That was fine with Midorima. Having a meeting with all of them was not something he particularly looked forward to.

* * *

 

 

Kise did his best to focus during the next lesson, but his thoughts were on Kuroko. The sense of foreboding seemed to grow within Kise’s mind by the day. He knew Kuroko was by no means ‘just tired’. Kuroko was tired. The bags beneath his dull aquamarine eyes were evidence enough of that. The way his feet seemed to drag and how he fell asleep so quickly in the middle of lessons spoke to the exhaustion that haunted him day in and day out. But there was more to it than that.

There was something about the situation and the way Kuroko was behaving that felt familiar. Kise didn’t know what or why though. But he was worried. He continued to spare glances towards his teal headed friend throughout the afternoon lessons. He couldn’t help but notice the way the excess fabric of Kuroko’s uniform pooled around his limbs in a way it didn’t used to. Kise noticed weeks ago. Kuroko was definitely thinner, which seemed odd since Kuroko was already the smallest of everyone on the team from the start. Thinner and constantly exhausted. So exhausted he even fainted during practice about two weeks ago.

Since their teacher for the third afternoon class was absent, the period was deemed a study period. Though, there was a worksheet to fill out and they could work with partners or in groups. Kise tugged on Aomine’s sleeve silently requesting the tan teen to follow him. Aomine took the seat next to Kuroko and Kise moved a desk in front of them to use. Somehow, Kuroko didn’t even flinch from the ruckus of moving desks and chatting voices so it was up to his two friends to wake him.

Aomine tapped his partners shoulders till Kuroko’s blue eyes focused on him and then at the papers on the desk.

“Worksheet?” Kuroko guessed, wincing at the pain in his throat caused by the words.

Aomine pointed to the board, or maybe the clock, Kuroko and Kise couldn’t tell with all the excess motions. “Yeah. We can work in groups, so help us out man.”

Kuroko wiped the sleep from his eyes and stifled a yawn. Grabbing his pencil, he looked at the paper in front of him and willed his blurry eyes to focus on the words. “Thanks for waking me.” He muttered.

Aomine smiled and ruffled Kuroko’s hair. For a moment the group silently read the instructions and the first question. No matter how many times Kuroko reread the sentences though it never seemed to process in his mind. He’d read it four times and still didn’t know what it said when Kise spoke up.

“I hate worksheets.” Kise whined leaning back in his chair.

“We haven’t even started.” Kuroko seemed to glare at Kise, although there was less of an edge to his look than usual. It was interrupted prematurely by a quiet cough.

“You okay?” Aomine asked while handing Kuroko the bottle of water in his bag.

Kuroko took a grateful sip before setting the bottle on the desk. The water helped is aching throat a bit. “Fine.”

Kise and Aomine did their best to help out with the questions, they really did. Kise was some help, but Aomine’s answers were usually wrong. In the end, Kuroko still had to do most of it which wasn’t Kise’s intention. On the upside, Kuroko did smile softly at them a few times while trying to explain things. Maybe it was okay.

Once the sheets were handed in, the three sat quietly. Kuroko rested his head in the crook of his elbow and closed his eyes willing his mind to rest for the last twenty minutes of class. Aomine and Kise let him be but remained with him as if guarding him. In a way, they were. Every time someone made a loud noise close by or bumped into the desks, the two would glare at the offender effectively defending the quiet space they were trying to create.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/feedback appreciated!!  
> Thank you for reading so far!


	9. Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thank you to everyone who has been leaving comments and to all my readers. I haven't said that lately and haven't been replying to comments much but I still love ya all! 
> 
>  

Practice went as well as it could. Kuroko managed thanks to the extra nap he stole during his afternoon classes. He did trip over his own two feet, but Murasakibara caught him, and to his displeasure, lifted him and placed him back on his two feet.

“Kuro-chin is being clumsy.” He spoke in a disinterested tone before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a piece of candy. “Candy will make you less clumsy.” He explained dropping it into Kuroko’s hand.

Not bothering to argue with the clearly flawed logic, Kuroko nodded a thank you and placed the candy in his pocket. Murasakibara looked disappointed that he didn’t eat it right away, but shrugged and moved on.

The rest of practice continued without any problems. Kuroko snuck the piece of candy into one of the trashcans after practice, at least he thought he was being sneaky. Aomine saw. A scowl made its way on his face and he turned to Kise who was spinning a ball on his finger next to him.

“I’m getting tired of this.” Aomine growled.

Taking the ball in both hands, Kise cocked his head to the side. “Getting tired of what, Aominicchi?”

“Don’t play dumb. I’m talkin bout Tetsu. I know you said we should just watch over him and stuff but I’m sick of not knowing. Somethings wrong!”

“Aominicchi….” Kise stared at the floor frowning. “If Kurokocchi doesn’t want to tell us…..”

“Ugg.” Aomine grunted and stole the ball from Kise. He ran down the court and dunked it in the basket a little more forcibly than necessary. The look on his face only added to the intensity and caused some of the other members nearby to shrink back. Aomine could make quite the terrifying expression when he was angry. He could also act irrationally like when Kise placed a hand on his shoulder and he spun around nearly punching the blond. “Damn it Kise!”

“Don’t get mad at me.” He raised his hands in defense. “I was just trying to tell you your scaring the others with that foul aura radiating off you.”

“Hmph.” The tanned player gestured one of the other members to throw him a ball. The request was fulfilled quickly and he dribbled it down the court to make another dunk in an attempt to blow off a bit of steam. Satisfied when it fell through the net easily, he turned and stalked to the bench to grab his water. Kise followed behind offering a smile to anyone Aomine managed to unnerve with his angry glare.

At the bench, Kise grabbed his own water and waved off Midorima who was sending a questioning look towards them. “He’ll tell us when he’s ready.” Kise muttered under his breath so only Aomine would hear.

“I’m tired of waiting. I’m not his body guard or his babysitter. Neither are you. He’s our friend. He should trust us.”

“Maybe there is nothing for him to tell us….” Kise offered knowing it wasn’t true. Obviously there was something going on. It would take a fool not to see that. Kise simply couldn’t think of another reply.

Of course, a lie of false hope wasn’t worth responding to and Aomine didn’t. He finished his water break and headed back to the court to practice or blow off steam….probably a bit of both.

After practice, Kise and Aomine walked Kuroko home. Usually it was just Aomine, but Aomine asked Kise to come the whole way and the blond obliged.

Aomine watched Kuroko drag his feet inside his apartment building. He wondered if it was okay not to follow and make sure the guy didn’t fall down the stairs or something. Kuroko looked so sick and unsteady….

Once Kuroko disappeared into the large apartment complex, Aomine sighed and reached into his pocket. He tapped on the photo gallery and scrolled to the pictures of the journal that fell out of Kuroko’s bag. For some reason that journal seemed important. Maybe because it didn’t make sense. Maybe it was because he saw Kuroko pull it out several times since and every time, Kuroko would glance around like an animal checking for predators before quickly jotting something down.

He tried to talk to Midorima about it again but the greenette would brush it off saying what Kuroko did was not his concern and nosing around in other people’s business was rude. Asking Murasakibara would probably be pointless and Akashi was scary. He didn’t think Kise would be much help but he figured he should try. Selecting the first picture, he tossed his phone to Kise.

“What’s this?” Kise asked as he caught the phone and looked at the screen. There was a picture of a notebook page that had numbers and the word apple written in small handwriting that looked a lot like Kuroko’s (being the stalker like person he was, he knew the tealnettes handwriting).

“Some pictures of a notebook that fell out of Tetsu’s bag the day he fainted. Showed it to Midorima but he said it was nothing. It’s been bothering me though. What do you think bout it?”

Kise scrolled through the other four pictures of similar pages and was about to agree with the greenettes opinion till he saw the words written on one page and a sudden thought struck him. The color drained from his face and he halted abruptly. “Aominicchi….” He called out in a shaky voice.

 

* * *

 

 

Midorima and Akashi settled onto cushions sitting on the balcony outside Akashi’s room. The polished wood shogi board and stands rested between them.

“I came up with a few ideas of what might be occurring.” Akashi mentioned as he moved his rook to capture one of Midorima’s pawns.

“You seem to be quite obsessed with this dilemma.” Midorima commented as he studied the board pondering his next move. He knew he had no hope of winning, but he always tried his hardest.

“He is our teammate and friend. I am not obsessed. It is concern.”

“Would it not be easier to simply ask him in fact?” The greenette advanced his lance several spaces before resting his hands in his lap.

Akashi shook his head while quickly making his next move. “It must be something that could potentially worry us if we knew. At the very least, he believes our knowing would hinder us in some way. Kuroko does not intend to tell us. Questioning him will only supply us with denial or lies.”

“Perhaps it is best that we do not meddle. He is entitled to his privacy and secrets as much as we all are.”

“Only when it does not concern the team. This secret of his is affecting the team,” Akashi paused to study Midorima’s move before continuing in a somewhat quieter tone. “And I worry it could be…..simply put, I worry for his health and wellbeing. If there is some way we could help…..”

“What did your research turn up?”

Akashi stood and walked inside his room to his bag that was left on the couch in his room. He pulled out a red notebook and returned to his seat flipping it to the back page and handing it to Midorima. “This is a list of the most likely causes for the symptoms I looked up.”

Taking the notebook in his left hand, Midorima read the list aloud. “Anemia, drugs, vitamin B12 deficiency, cancer- specifically Lymphoma or Leukimia-, chronic fatigue, eating disorder, hyperthyroidism? Did you seriously put drugs and a mental disorder on this list?” His eyes widened and he glanced at Akashi waiting for a response.

“Both are a possibility. Actually, the symptoms of drug use and eating disorders appeared to match his symptoms the closest.”

“I may not particularly like him, but Kuroko is perhaps the most innocent and selfless person on the team. I find it hard to comprehend his character allowing him to or even considering harming himself or others.”

“It’s your move.” Akashi gestured to the board, momentarily dismissing Midorima’s protests. Only momentarily though. He continued when Midorima captured his silver general. “I disagree. I believe his character, as you put it, makes him more vulnerable to such issues. I believe he would hurt himself if the circumstance were right. For instance, if he believed harming himself would benefit someone else, he might not even hesitate. However, I would like to hear your thoughts on the rest of the list.”

Adjusting his glasses, Midorima inhaled and reread the list to himself. “Are we assuming the weight loss and exhaustion are symptoms or side effects?”

“I considered them symptoms in my research. I also added sensitivity to cold, weakness, loss of appetite, and insomnia as possible symptoms. I do realize that some could be causally related. By the way, black rook takes 2f.” Akashi noted his move since Midorima was still looking at the list in his hands and not at the board.

“Not including mental disorders and illegal drug use, cancer fits best in fact. Though that seems just as unlikely. The sudden onset of symptoms and the degree to which they have progressed seems unlikely for anemia and vitamin deficiencies. But my assessment is not taking into consideration the possibility of causal relationships. It is assuming the symptoms are separate. If they are not, the list of possible ailments is considerably longer.”

“I was hoping for a different answer……though I didn’t expect one.” A rueful smile stretched Akashi’s lips as he accepted the notebook back from his teammate.

The two continued their game silently contemplating their conversation and thoughts. It ended quickly with Akashi emerging victorious, no different than every other time they played. By then, the wall scones had turned on in expectation of the setting sun casting artificial light across the stone paved balcony. The evening air, absent of the suns warmth, chilled both boys so they decided to move inside. Akashi lit the fireplace and hit the button on the intercom to call the kitchen for tea before sitting at his desk and gesturing Midorima to pull up a chair. Midorima obliged after putting the shogi board in its cupboard.

“What are we doing?” He asked as Akashi opened his laptop and logged on.

“Further research. You can stay for dinner.” Akashi replied distractedly. He pulled up the google website and typed ‘signs someone is using drugs’.

Midorima raised his eyebrows. “That’s the first thing you choose to look up?”

“2.9% of Japanese people use drugs. The main type is amphetamines.”

“That does not explain-“

“Japanese people have about a 20% chance of developing cancer, however Tetsuya’s age makes many of the most common types unlikely. The percentage of Japanese with eating disorders is unknown since the subject is practically taboo. Therefore, I’m starting with drugs.” Akashi cut Midorima off to continue his explanation. He pulled up the first site on the list and read through the contents with Midorima reading over his shoulder. “Only cocaine and methamphetamine list anything regarding weight loss.” He concluded after finishing the page.

“They also cause sleeplessness, talkativeness, excitement, violent behavior, and hallucinations. Did you read the whole paragraphs?”

“He did yell at us which could almost be considered violent behavior for him and he is experiencing trouble sleeping.”

“However, talkative, he is not in fact. He hasn’t shown signs of hallucinating either.”

“Which means it’s probably not drugs,” Akashi concluded with a sigh.

“You already knew that. You said so earlier. Try eating disorders.”

“I thought you didn’t think he had one.”

“After we ended our conversation, I thought about it some more. It seems more likely than the cancer option. If it’s not, we can rule it out.”

Taking a deep breath, Akashi typed ‘signs someone has an eating disorder’ into the search bar. Again, he clicked on the first result and scrolled down to where it listed the symptoms. Both of them read through the list silently, gears turning in their heads, till they turned to look at each other. “It fits almost perfectly.” Akashi whispered diverting his gaze back to the screen.

“We shouldn’t assume anything yet.” Midorima adjusted his glasses and kept his voice even, though Akashi could hear the slightest tremble evident.

“Shintarō, it fits perfectly. If I had looked it up in more detail before instead of just lists of possible ailments….”

“Akashi. We don’t know-“

“Weight loss, fatigue, avoiding friends and meal times, going to the bathroom after meals, fainting….”

Midorima was about to speak up when a maid knocked on the door. Leaving Akashi to read further into the article, he stood and got the door, opting to take the tea from the young woman and bring it to the desk himself. “Drink.” He ordered feeling unnerved by the expression Akashi was directing at the screen.

Akashi blindly reached for the cup and took a sip keeping his eyes glued to the webpage. “I think now is the-“ his thought was cut off by a beep from his cell phone.

Unsure if it was important, Akashi decided to check the notification and found it was a message from Kise. He flipped open the phone and read the message to himself before relaying it to Midorima. “It’s Kise. He says he knows what’s wrong with Tetsuya.”

Eyes widening, Midorima checked the message for himself. Sure enough, that was what Kise had typed. “Perhaps he came to a different conclusion.” He suggested hopefully. Although, he wasn’t sure what other conclusion the blond could have reached that would be more promising. Something that didn’t have the risk of death attached would be nice but also unlikely given Kuroko looked half dead as it was. Even if they concluded it was cancer, there would still be the risk of death.

With a quick and silent nod, Akashi thumbed over the keyboard on the phone screen asking what Kise thought was wrong with their smallest teammate. The answer arrived almost immediately after Akashi hit send and the red head briefly wondered if Kise could actually type that fast or if he was typing before Akashi sent the message. It wasn’t important though, just a thought to stave off the anxiety nipping at his mind. He clicked the message and inhaled sharply as his eyes read the answer he didn’t want see.

[From: Ryouta

Message: I think Kurokocchi is anorexic.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/feedback appreciated.


	10. Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay. Long chapter. Anyway, thank you to everyone who is still reading this! This work has reached over 2000 hits which makes me really happy ya'll! 
> 
> Btw, if you didn't know already, I started another story called Salvation is Red (and I'm super proud of the title because I thought really hard about it and it has a double meaning and it fits and omg I think I didn't fail at titling something for once). Anyway, check it out if ya want!
> 
> Super long authors note that is not necessary to read!: Another Btw. Someone pointed out they weren't surprised Kise would know what was going on and I just wanted to say originally, Kise was going to be the first to find out, but he ended up finding out at the same time as Akashi and Midorima. Technically, he sort of knew what was going on before hand but it was like when you know you know something but you can't quite put your finger on it. Anyway, I usually make Kise out to be the idiotic blond in most of my fics even though I know there really is more to him, so I thought this time I would give him a chance to shine a bit. I hope I did an okay job with it. Since he's a model and would probably be more aware of this kind of thing than the others. Though honestly, I hope I didn't make the characters seem to dumb for too long. I had a hard time deciding how long it would take them to figure everything out because they are middle school boys and I don't know how aware they would be of such disorders, especially in Japan. As someone who is very much aware of eating disorders, it would be on the top of my list of suspected ailments early on in the story but I didn't know where it would fall for people who haven't been exposed to such things as much. So I made it take a while for them to catch on. Hopefully I didn't make it seem like the GOM are a bunch of dense idiots (more so than any normal middle school boys at least). We all know Akashi is anything but an idiot.
> 
> Anyway.....that's enough of my super long authors note. Enjoy the story. 
> 
> I say anyway waaaayyyy too much.
> 
> Anyway: warning for depictions of self-harm and purging.

 

Although Kuroko was doing better with keeping up appearances and not falling as far behind in practice anymore, he could not keep up the act 24/7 and it promptly crumbled the moment he stepped inside his apartment every evening. Dropping his bag onto the floor just inside the door, he leaned against the wall for support and dragged his weary body down the hall to the bathroom.

Despite being the only one home, he locked the bathroom door behind him. He began to remove his clothes, struggling with the buttons on his shirt due to the shakiness of his fingers. Naked, he pulled the scale out of the cabinet below the sink and placed it on the cool tile floor and stepped on.

The number fluctuated before stabilizing at 37kg (around 80 lbs).

Too high. Way too high.

Kuroko felt the tears building in the corner of his burning eyes and made no attempt to hold them back. He’d been throwing up every bite he ate, which wasn’t much to begin with, and running his body ragged. Why wasn’t he losing more weight?! Even if he didn’t purge the few hundred calories his friends forced on him every day, it shouldn’t be this slow.

Still crying, he turned on the shower and slumped against the wall. It wasn’t fair. He was trying so hard. He ignored the hunger. He pushed himself well beyond his limits at practice. He sacrificed sleep and comfort. He took pills to speed up his metabolism. He endured the suffering and exhaustion. He endured the coldness. Why? Why wasn’t it enough? Why couldn’t he just be good enough for once in his life?

 _Because you’re weak….you’re a failure…._ the voice inside his head taunted. He balled his fingers into a fist and slammed it against his leg with all his strength, admittedly not much, but enough to hurt. And the hurting himself…..felt good.

Because he deserved it? Because it was a distraction? He didn’t know. The more he pondered it, the more clouded his mind felt. But he understood one thing. He wanted to feel more of that pain.

He raised his fist again and brought it down on his leg with all his strength. He did it again. And again. And again. It felt good, but not enough. Once again he dug his nails into the skin. It was another ugly habit he’d been developing lately. Sometimes the nails bit through the skin making cracks just large enough for a drop of blood or two to seep out. Sometimes he pulled at it till it bled a little more. This was one of those times.

It was strange, but the tears stopped surfacing and his lips curled upwards ever so slightly. He imagined his sanity must be slipping or perhaps it was long gone. It didn’t matter. He wanted more of this hurt. Over and over, he dug his nails into his disgusting flesh. Blood and skin built up beneath his each nail used.

Once he felt somewhat satisfied, he washed the blood from his hands and thighs. The he reached up and twisted the shower knob till the water ceased. His leg ached as he pulled himself off the floor and haphazardly dried his skin which was still cold despite being drenched in warm water. He pulled on his pajamas and poked the spot on his leg to assess the damage. Where he hit would definitely bruise and where he broke skin, light scars would probably form. Till then, the skin would be a bit tender. Was he happy about that?

Using whatever he could for support, wall, counter, kitchen chair, Kuroko stumbled into the kitchen and prepared two hot water bottles for bed. It was a trick he had picked up on recently. He took both of them to the bedroom and curled up under the blankets placing one bottle against his back and one against his stomach underneath his shirt. It was the only way he could sleep anymore. Otherwise, it was too cold, even though the heat in the apartment was always on.

* * *

 

 

After reading the message three times to make sure he wasn’t mistaken, Akashi tilted the screen so Midorima could read it as well.

“So he came to the same conclusion in fact. Though the timing is odd since we only came to said conclusion moments ago ourselves.” Midorima adjusted his glasses in his typical manner and took a sip of his own tea.

“The timing is not as relevant as the reason for his conclusion.” Akashi said. He began to type a reply to Kise. “We can meet after practice tomorrow. I’ll have him inform Daiki and Atsushi. I think its best if we bring this to their attention as well if they don’t already know.”

“I agree. What about Kuroko? Will he attend this ‘meeting’ as well?”

“No.” Akashi clicked send and directed his gaze back to the computer screen. He backed out of the current page and began opening more links to similar websites in separate tabs. “We can discuss how to confront him tomorrow. It’s best if we are all on the same page first.”

* * *

 

Aomine didn’t know what to say when Kise sprung his revelation on him, mostly because he didn’t have a clue what the hec the blond was talking about. “What the hell is anorexia?”

Kise sighed exasperatedly and checked their surroundings for eavesdroppers before continuing. “Eating disorder. You know. Someone starves themselves or throws up their food. It’s common among girls. They warn about it at the agency I work for.”

“Why the hell would Tetsu do something like that?” Aomine asked still confused.  Last he checked, food was good and his best friend was a guy. Gay, but still a guy.

Before Kise could answer, his phone beeped with a reply. “Akashicchi says we will meet after practice to discuss this.” He relayed after reading the message for himself. “Anyway, I gotta go. I promised my sister I would help with dinner tonight.”

“Oi! We’re havin a con….versation here….” Aomine trailed off as Kise had already ran out of earshot. Apparently answers would have to wait for tomorrow.

* * *

 

The next day as planned, Aomine, Kise, Midorima, Murasakibara, and Akashi stayed in the gym after practice. They considered asking Momoi to stay to, but Kuroko looked paler than usual and Aomine didn’t want him walking home alone. It was decided Momoi would go with him.

Once the rest of the basketball members had cleared out and there was no chance of any one unexpectedly dropping in on them, the five basketball players sat in a circle.

“So…this anorexia thing….we’re sure that’s what Tetsu has?” Aomine broke the silence while twirling a basketball between his hands.

“Short of asking him or catching him in acts which cannot and are not explained otherwise, yes. Seeing as Midorima, Kise, and I came to the same conclusion separately, it seems highly likely that is the case.” Akashi explained.

“Short of acts what? Speak plainly dude. I ain’t a fucking rocket scientist.” Aomine glared at the shorter captain.

“Aka-chin was speaking plainly. Mine-chin is just dumb.” Murasakibara chomped down on a rainbow lollipop lazily.

“Shut up!”

Sighing exasperatedly, Midorima adjusted his glasses on his nose. “We’re getting off track here in fact.”

“Let’s start with what we know.” Akashi pulled them back on topic after a silent thank you to the green headed vice-captain. “Symptoms include extreme weight loss in a short period of time, fatigue, fainting spells, visiting the bathroom after meals, and avoiding friends and meal times.”

“He’s keeping a journal of what he eats and probably his weight as well. From the looks of the pages Aominecchii snapped pics of, he’s barely eating if at all.”

“I dun know if it’s important but Kuro-chin didn’t eat the candy I gave him. Kuro-chin used to eat the candy.”

“Not everyone is as obsessed with snacks as you dude.” Aomine hissed.

Midorima sighed again. “He’s been more irritable in fact. He yelled that day in Maji Burger. Come to think of it, it was when we approached him about not touching his food in fact.”

“Speaking of Maji Burger….Tetsu hasn’t come with us since…or to the convenience store either. He’s always got some lame ass excuse.”

“Watch your language.” Midorima said.

“And if Kurokocchi’s going to the bathroom after lunch…..”

“He’s probably purging his food. It’s unlikely he would use such a remote bathroom for normal and acceptable reasons. He picked it to avoid others.” Akashi surmised

“He’s cold all the time too….at least he shivers a lot and he feels cold when I touch him.” Kise added

“So….Tetsu’s anorexic or whatever it’s called. But what do we do….he could starve to death right? That’s a thing?”

Akashi nodded, his already present frown deepening. “Yes, Daiki. That’s ‘a thing’ as you put it. He IS starving to death. He is already emaciated. If we’re right about this, there is no telling how much longer his body will put up with the abuse.”

“Emaciated?”

“Emaciated means gaunt or skeletal. He’s abnormally thin. Anyway, it’s surprising he’s lasted this long given the severity of the symptoms in fact.”

“We can’t let Kurokocchi die!”

“We ain’t gonna let Tetsu die!”

“But….I worked with a model once…she had the same disease…. it’s how I recognized the journal, and she….she didn’t make it.”

“Well Tetsu has us!”

“Yeah but…..”

“I loathe to admit it, but Daiki is right, Ryouta. We won’t let Tetsuya die. I won’t let Tetsuya die. That’s why I called this meeting. We need to decide how to approach this. Seeing as you are the one with the most hands on experience in this department, I need you to focus.”

“But Akashicchi….”

“Are you doubting my promises?”

“N….no. No, I’m not…”

“Then let’s focus on what we can do to help him.”

“Should we tell the coach? Teachers? Someone?” Aomine suggested as he stared at the basketball that was now still in his hands.

“Knowing Kuroko, that could backfire.” Midorima said

“Let’s try to handle this ourselves first.” Akashi paused to think before continuing. “We will involve others if necessary.”

“Kurokocchi needs to know that we know, I think.”

“We could follow Kuro-chin.”

“You mean stalk him. While I’m sure Kise is used to…” Midorima began but was promptly cut off.

“Hey!”

“Follow him where, Atsushi?” Akashi kept his attention on the giant, ignoring the whining and excuses Kise droned on with.”

“To the bathroom.”

“He might feel cornered if we catch him like that in fact.”

“Being caught could make him feel cornered regardless of how we go about the catching, Shintarō. I think it’s a good idea. Once he knows he can’t hide it from us any longer, he might open up to us.”

“How are we going to follow Tetsu to the bathroom and what are we supposed to do when we get there?”

“Stop Kurokocchi of course!”

“No.” Akashi shook his head, “we can’t stop him.”

“Whhhhhyyyyy??”

“Because if we stop, we won’t know for sure Kuroko intended to purge. We also won’t have any leverage to get him to confess.”

“Still…it’s kind of messed up to just stand there and let him hurt himself when we could be stopping him.” Aomine said.

“It’s a small sacrifice. We will wait till he purges and then confront him.”

 “Then what?” Kise asked.

“Sleepover.” Murasakibara suggested lazily.

“What?”

“That’s not a bad idea.” Akashi agreed.

“Huh?”

“Alright. Tomorrow we will follow him to the bathroom. Regardless of how things turn out, prepare to sleep over tomorrow night. It’s Friday, so we don’t have practice and that will give us plenty of time to talk and perhaps get him to eat something as well.” Akashi summed up the plan and stood, grabbing his bag. “Regardless of what happens, we have to be careful. He needs friends and comfort right now as much as he needs to be caught.”

Midorima followed his lead and stood as well. “Okay….but sleep over where? If we barge into his house….”

“Aka-chin’s place is biggest. He’s got lots of snacks too.”

“That’s fine. You can leave your overnight bags with my driver in the morning.”

“So it’s settled?” Midorima looked around at everyone who was now heading towards the gym doors.

Akashi opened the door and held it for the others to walk through. “Yes. Go home. Rest. Tomorrow will likely be a long day.”

 

* * *

Friday morning, the group left their overnight duffel bags with Akashi’s driver as planned. Kuroko had been too weak and half asleep to even notice the extra bags Kise and Aomine had with them on the way to school. He suspected nothing.

He suspected nothing again when the whole table fell silent as he stood to go to the bathroom. The group hadn’t been very talkative all lunch anyway since they were doing their best to focus on Kuroko so they would notice him leave. Until now, Akashi had been the only one who ever detected his slipping away.

Still, even if the whole lunch room had stopped talking at that very moment, Kuroko might not have noticed. It had been six days since he kept any food down and it had only been a few crackers when he did. A pain in the center of his chest had kept him up much later than he was used to the night before as well. All he wanted was to collapse, and he nearly did as he made his way to the usual bathroom. It took all his strength to fight through the dizziness and hold himself up while placing one foot in front of the other.

He wasn’t even sure why he was bothering. It was so far away and he only took a few bites of melon bread, hardly enough to warrant climbing up the flight of stairs and walking to a separate end of the school. Yet the nauseous feeling growing in his gut said otherwise and habit took over.

Once he was out of sight of the lunch room, he placed his hand on the wall and followed it closely using the cold bricks for support. He dragged his feet down the hall only avoiding running into walls because he knew the path by heart. His eyes were half closed.

After a quick glance at his surroundings to check for possible students lurking the abandoned hallway, he slipped into the bathroom and chose his usual stall. His fingers fumbled with the lock, failing to successfully push it into place once before succeeding, and dropped to his knees.

Kuroko’s fingers had barely gotten passed his lips before the heaving began and the bile rose into his throat. It spilled into the toilet, the gross mush laced with strands of bright red blood. _It’s getting too easy to do this…_ he thought but dismissed it quickly and shoved his hands down again. The second round resulted in mainly acid and water since the first was enough to release most of the meager portion of food he had eaten at lunch. Even so, he shoved his hand in a third time for good measure. The coughing was enough to deafen him to the footsteps outside the stall causing him to jump when he heard a knock on the door.

“Tetsuya.” A voice from the other side of the stall called out just after the gentle knocks ceased.

The slippers he could make out underneath the stall door were the same as every other students however, there was only one person who called him by his given name and only one person with that intoxicatingly smooth authoritative voice.

Shifting, he left his right arm slung over the toilet bowl and turned so his side was facing the door. With his clean hand, he fumbled with the lock and batted the stall door open to reveal Akashi staring down at him with soft sad eyes and lips turned downward. Oddly enough, he didn’t look surprised, just upset?

“Tetsuya….” Akashi repeated, a frown twisting his lips downward further. His fingers clenched like his chest and his breath stopped in his throat.

“Aka…..Akashi-kun….” Kuroko rasped out, wincing from the pain in his burning throat.

Akashi kneeled and accepted a wet towel from Midorima. Kuroko then realized it wasn’t just Akashi who had stumbled upon him, but Midorima, Murasakibara, Kise, and Aomine were there too. Had they followed him? There was no other reason for all of them to be in this bathroom at once.

He wasn’t sure how he felt about that as he leaned his head back against the stall divider and allowed Akashi to wipe the vomit from his hands and lips. The cool surface and cold cloth causing shivers to course through his body. A few painful coughs escaped racking his upper half.

He probably should have been panicking. His friends discovered his biggest secret (it didn’t even occur to him they might think he had a stomach bug or to try to convince them of such). His crush was on the floor beside him caring for him. His whole world could very well be crumbling to dust at the moment. Surely it was a panic worthy moment.

But he wasn’t panicking. All he felt was exhaustion and perhaps a slight bit of relief barely piercing the fog enveloping his mind. It didn’t make sense to him why he would feel such a thing in a moment like this, so he dismissed it. Kuroko didn’t have the energy to concern himself what made no sense. Actually, he suddenly had no energy at all. Even with his head pounding, pain piercing his stomach, and pain in his chest as if his heart was punching the inside of his ribs, all he felt like doing was falling over and closing his eyes.

Akashi finished wiping the last strands of vomit from Kuroko’s mouth as the latter’s eyes drooped. He threw the paper towel into the toilet and flushed the last bit of evidence down the drain before returning his attention to Kuroko. The fears the group shared the previous night were plainly true. Without a doubt, their phantom sixth member was well on his way to becoming a true phantom via an eating disorder.

Not knowing what else to do, Akashi pulled the tired and shivering Kuroko into a warm embrace and carded his fingers through Kuroko’s hair. He was startled when several strands easily dislodged themselves from the tealnettes scalp, but he knew why it happened. His grip on Kuroko’s too thin body tightened. Had he gotten even thinner since the last time Akashi held him? God, he hoped not. But it felt like the bones beneath the clothes were more prominent. Akashi fought the urge to cry. He needed to be strong, not break down. As a leader, he had failed his teammate for far too long and allowed the circumstances to progress to a state they never should have come close to. This wasn’t the time for regret though.

Not loosening his hold on the smaller boy, Akashi turned his head to see how the others fared. Akashi’s attention had been so focused on Kuroko he hadn’t heard Kise’s sobs or Aomine uttering strings of colorful curse words under his breath until he looked at them now. Midorima and Murasakibara were silent but their conflicting emotions flashed across their faces and Midorima seemed to be struggling to find words to say. All of them expected the situation to turn out this way. They expected to find Kuroko throwing up when they entered the bathroom, yet expecting it didn’t dull the pain or shock felt when actually facing the truth. Nothing dulled it.

They had talked about what they would do in this situation the night before. They had prepared, made plans for words to speak and actions to commit. Now it seemed as if those plans had all but fled their minds as the uncomfortable moments passed.

“I’m sorry.” Kuroko finally broke the standstill with his raspy voice. Damn, speaking felt so painful, not only for his throat, but his head too. But he felt he should say something.

“Kuroko….” Midorima snapped out of his confused thoughts and crouched down while removing his jacket. He placed it over the tealnettes shoulders since Kuroko was still shivering.

“There is no need to be sorry, Tetsuya. We should have noticed sooner.” After a quick nod of thanks to Midorima, Akashi adjusted the extra jacket to better cover the smaller boy.

“I didn’t want you to know.” Kuroko protested weakly. The words stung his raw and likely bleeding throat forcing him to cough again.

Stepping forward and crouching down, Aomine handed over his water bottle. “Drink.” He ordered without making eye contact or even looking at Kuroko. He couldn’t.

Kuroko intended to protest since he had just been puking and it wasn’t his water bottle and all that, but Akashi pulled away and forced the tip of the bottle to Kuroko’s lips. “Don’t argue.”

Reluctantly, Kuroko took a few sips. He almost turned to the toilet and spit out the liquid when he realized it was a sports drink and not water, but Akashi held him in place and covered his mouth with his hand. Kuroko had no choice but to swallow.

“Ryouta. Daiki.” Akashi spoke without facing the blond and bluenette. “Inform your teachers that Tetsuya will be in the nurse’s office for the duration of the afternoon. Offer to take his work to him and make sure to grab his belongings before classes end. Understood?”

“Hai.” Both chorused.

“Come on Tetsuya.” Akashi coaxed as he helped Kuroko to his feet.

“I can go…” Kuroko tried to protest on the way to standing but the sudden dizziness cut him off. His knees threatened to buckle but Akashi held him up and Midorima was quick to move to Kuroko’s open side in case extra help was needed.

“We are taking you to the nurse’s office. Do not argue with me, Tetsuya, unless you wish to anger me.”

Akashi didn’t want to use threats, but the relaxation of Kuroko’s body into his grip assured him the tactic had been successful at least. Kuroko made no further attempts to argue as Midorima and Akashi led him out of the bathroom and down the hall with Murasakibara following close behind.

They didn’t get very far though before Kuroko’s legs stopped moving and his fingers twisted into Akashi’s shirt.

“I think I’m g….” He tried to warn but consciousness fled before he had a chance to finish and he fainted, everything promptly blurring before going completely black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/feedback plrease!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so many ideas for this chapter but I went with this one, so I hope ya'll like.
> 
> BTW, to those of you who have sent me comments/messages recently and haven't received a reply, I haven't forgotten you and I'm not ignoring you! My allergies have been really awful I've just felt like shit the past few days thanks to all the damn pollen so I haven't gotten around to much other than sleeping and cursing mother nature....not that cursing mother nature has done me any good. Anyway, I'll get to responding soon when my head isn't quite so foggy.
> 
> (speaking of foggy, I really hope this chapter makes sense.....I wrote it with this foggy head afterall so hopefully the logic of the scene isn't foggy.....bad joke....moving on.)
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Soft. Rolling over to his side, Kuroko brushed his fingers over the soft silky fabric wrapped around his body. It wasn’t just unusually soft; it was warm too. He was warm, which was a rare occurrence. How was it so warm?

Groggily he opened his eyes and stared into the space in front of him; unfamiliar space. Wherever he was, he had never seen it before. The room would be pitch dark if not for the soft glow of the fire in the fireplace and the light of the moon leaking through a large window framed by red curtains. Adjusting his head, he noticed he was placed on the side of a very large bed four poster bed covered in bedding the same shade of red as the curtains.

He could only think of two people who might own such a room and only one who would have so many red things. A blush dusted his cheeks and his hand rose to lay over his eyes as he groaned. This had to be Akashi’s room. He was in Akashi’s room…..sleeping?

Kuroko pushed himself up to his elbows only to mourn the loss of a bit of the warmth he had felt when the blankets fell away from his shoulders. Pushing himself up further so he didn’t need his elbows for support, he gripped the largest blanket to pull it to his chest and realized it was heated. That explained a lot. He took a moment more to savor it’s warmth before pushing it off and throwing his legs over the side of the bed. His feet brushed against a soft rug and his toes curled enjoying the sensation.

Bracing himself with a hand on the wood side table, he forced his body to a standing position. He swayed side to side as the spinning settled. Once his vision cleared, Kuroko took an assessment of his current state. He was still in his uniform, though it was wrinkled now and the top button of his shirt had been undone and the tie was missing. Maybe he did that himself though? Well it wasn’t important anyway.

Checking the side table for a clock, he noted the red numbers of an alarm clock read 7:15. He’d been asleep for quite a long time it seemed. The last thing he remembered was going to the bathroom after lunch like he usually did and then……

_Shit!_

Kuroko didn’t curse very often, even in his head, but now felt like an appropriate time to do so. He couldn’t think of a better time to curse actually. How could he have forgotten, even for a second, what had transpired earlier?

Slumping back to a seated position on the bed, Kuroko buried his face in hands pressing the heel of his palms into his eyes. His friends knew. Maybe not everything, but they knew he was throwing up. Sure, they might have though he was sick but Kuroko knew that wasn’t the case. He remembered the looks on their faces and the way Aomine wouldn’t even glance at him. He remembered how Akashi had held him….oh god…Akashi probably carried him again too and now he was in his room and what if Akashi was disgusted by him, by his overflowing flesh, by his weakness, by everything? What if he was kicked off the team? What if they hated him? What if…..

No. He needed to get a hold of himself. He could feel the burn of his eyes from the tears that would be flowing down his cheeks if his hands weren’t pressed against his eyes so harshly. He could feel himself losing control of his breathing too. He needed to calm down.

With a final press against his eyelids, he removed his hands and took a deep shuddering breath. Whatever happened from here on out was going to happen. It was too late to escape that. Once his eyesight recovered from the abuse, he stood again and waited for the spinning room to settle and the double objects in his vision to merge back into one. With hesitant steps he made his way towards the double doors where a light shone from underneath and pressed his ear against the wood. Surprisingly, he could hear his teammate’s voices as though they were directly on the other side. Were they waiting for him in a hallway? Or was there another room connected to this one? Kuroko wasn’t sure. He knew nothing about mansions, which he was pretty sure this place was, in fact, a mansion. Where else would the great Akashi live?

“This game is stupid! How could I lose?! I thought pawns could only move that way!” Kuroko heard Aomine’s frustrated growl and raised an eyebrow.

“You should know better than to challenge Akashi…or anyone for that matter, to an intellectual game, Aomine. Especially one you have never played before if fact.” Midorima’s voice scolded.

Oh. They must be playing Shogi or chess. Those were the only games Kuroko could think of with pawns. He chuckled quietly into his palm. His light really was an idiot if he challenged Akashi to one of those games. Okay, he was an idiot if he challenged Akashi to any game. Akashi doesn’t lose.

A slight smile twitched Kuroko’s lips upwards and a warm feeling- though not as warm as the blankets- washed over him at the thought of his two friends playing board games and how Akashi was likely smirking right now and Aomine was probably about ready to strangle something. Hopefully Kise was a decent distance away from Aomine’s reach. He’d like to see their faces.

And he could, he realized. And then he realized how silly he was being with his ear pressed up against a door afraid of opening it. The ones on the other side were still his friends. They brought him here instead of leaving him in the school infirmary didn’t they? And the looks on their faces in the bathroom…..they weren’t hateful at all…..maybe afraid……but not hateful. Akashi hadn’t acted hateful at all either.

That didn’t mean there wasn’t plenty to fear on the other side of the door. Just because they didn’t hate him yet…….Kuroko shook his head vigorously. _Stop jumping to conclusions_ he chided himself. He didn’t actually know if they knew his secret yet. He didn’t know what they knew at all and he wasn’t going to find out hiding behind a door like a frightened child.

He had to face this. And if they did know….well he would deal with that when the time came. He could find new ways to hide it. With a deep breath, he evened out his shoulders and wiped his eyes just in case there was any wetness. He wrapped his fingers around the cold silver door handle and pressed down pushing against it till there was enough space for him to slip into the adjoining room.

It was in fact another room connected to the bedroom with a sitting area, TV, desk, table, and other furnishings. Figures. He should have known that bedroom was too small to be the extent of Akashi’s room.

Sure enough, Akashi and Aomine were seated at the small table with a chess board between them and Akashi had that knowing and satisfied smirk painted across his face. Midorima sat nearby with a thick book open in his lap. Kise was on the couch closest to the fire place hanging on the back so he could see the chess board and Murasakibara was sprawled out on the floor with his usual pile of snacks.

When the door clicked shut behind him, all heads and eyes turned to stare at him. It was uncomfortable and Kuroko shifted his weight from one side to the other trying to decide if he should say something. Naturally, Kise beat him to the action, bouncing up from his seat and grabbing Kuroko’s wrist.

“Kurokocchi! You’re up!” he beamed about as bright as the afternoon sun and Kuroko couldn’t help but offer him a gentle smile.

“I’m up.” He acknowledged.

“Come. The fire’s really cozy!” Kise tugged on Kuroko’s arm dragging him over to the couch closest to the fire place and pulling him down onto the soft cushions. “See!”

Like the fireplace in the bedroom, the one in the sitting room was lit and burning brightly. The fire was real too, Kuroko realized when he noticed how the logs were actually being burnt, not just there for looks. And of course, it was warm, as was Kise’s body next to his, but not enough to keep him from shivering slightly.

Kuroko didn’t notice Midorima had moved from where he had been seated until a blanket was handed to him.

“Here.” Was all Midorima said as he handed over the cloth.

“Thanks.” Kuroko smiled and accepted it, unfolding it, and wrapping it around himself tightly. It wasn’t as comfortable as the heated one in the bedroom, but it was enough. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

Midorima settled himself onto the other couch and Aomine plopped down on Kuroko’s other side making the couch just a tad bit warmer.

“How ya feeling, Tetsu?” Aomine draped an arm over Kuroko’s shoulder and pulled him to his side, much to Kise’s dismay.

“O…” Kuroko started but the word seemed to irritate his throat and he coughed instead, closing his eyes against the pain it caused his raw throat.

When his eyes opened, Akashi was standing in front of him with a cup of steaming liquid and concern laced into every feature of his face. He offered the cup which Kuroko eyed suspiciously. It looked like tea….but he remembered the water bottle. Akashi did too and sighed. “It’s just tea, Tetsuya. Plain.” He assured as if reading the tealnettes thoughts.

Kuroko nodded and accepted the cup taking a hesitant sip. To his relief, it was just tea. Plain tea that couldn’t possibly hurt him. It felt good against his throat and after a few more sips to placate the raw and irritated flesh; he nodded his thanks to Akashi.

Akashi’s face softened and he patted down Kuroko’s terrible bed head with gentle fingers till it was somewhat less ridiculous. “Your hair really is quite something.” He commented taking a few steps back and crossing his arms over his chest to ‘admire’ the state of his teammate’s hair. “Everyone else has had dinner already.” He paused to gage Kuroko’s reaction but the tealnettes expression remained passive despite the anxiety causing his palms to sweat around the tea cup in his grasp. “I can have some left over curry heated up or if there is something else-“

“I’m not hungry.” Kuroko cut Akashi off bluntly and handed the cup off to Aomine, not trusting his shaky hands.

Akashi’s eye’s squinted till only a sliver of red and gold shone between narrow slits and his lips curved downward. “If there is something else you would like to eat, I can have it prepared momentarily,” he finished his previous statement in a warning tone.

Kuroko could feel the tension in the room rising with every millisecond passing and sunk further into the soft cushions of the couch and Aomine’s hold. “I’m not-“ he tried again meekly but the protest died in his throat as Akashi’s intimidating glare intensified. He decided to change his words and ended the sentence with a barely audible “toast.” At least toast was better than curry. Curry was not something he wanted to experience purging ever again after the first time he tried.

The answer seemed to placate Akashi’s anger- or whatever that was- and he briskly walked to a box on the wall. Pressing a button, he relayed a message to another voice through a speaker asking for toast, a fresh pot of tea, and some various snacks, presumably for the others to partake in. Once that was taken care of, he turned back to face Kuroko with a notable kinder expression and beckoned with his hand for the tealnette to follow.

“How about changing into something more comfortable. You can borrow a pair of mine.” Akashi offered since they hadn’t stopped by Kuroko’s place to pick up his things seeing how the latter had been passed out and unwilling to wake. They tried, but he had been sound asleep.

“Th…thank you….but I think I’ll change after.” Kuroko replied tugging his blanket closer and hoping Akashi wouldn’t see through his reasoning. If he changed after he ate, he would have an excuse to use the bathroom. Judging by the glare the red head was giving, Akashi had seen through his reasoning and was about to comment, but Kise spoke up first.

“Go change, Kurokocchi. Go ahead and use the restroom now.”

Kuroko swore that sounded more like a warning than a suggestion. Sighing, he conceded and stood. Clearly he had lost this battle.

Following Akashi across the bedroom and through the attached bathroom, he stepped into a large walk-in closet. Akashi knelt in front of one of the numerous drawers pulling it opened and retrieved a pair of thicker night clothes than the pair he was wearing. Instead of tossing them or simply handing them over, Akashi stood before Kuroko and pulled the latter into a hug.

“Wha….” Kuroko blushed but didn’t pull away despite being confused and shocked.

Akashi offered no explanation but gave a tight squeeze before whispering “we know” and releasing him. Stepping back, he grabbed Kuroko’s hand and placed the garments in it before leaving Kuroko to ponder the statement.

_Shit…._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/feedback please :)


	12. Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being another long chapter. Anyway, sorry it took so long. I had so many ideas for how to handle this and had a hard time choosing what to use and include and what not to. Anyways, I don't know if I'll edit the end of this chapter later because it feels a bit off (or is that just me?) but I hope you enjoy. And HAPPY EASTER!!!!!!!!! SOMEBUNNY LOVES YOU!!! YAY BUNNIES! (I'm only slightly obsessed with bunnies).

By the time Kuroko rejoined the group in the sitting room, his toast and the various snacks had arrived. He accepted the plate with two pieces of dry toast from Murasakibara and took his previous position on the couch between Kise and Aomine, once again relishing in the heat their bodies and the fire place provided. Though the pajama’s Akashi lent him were thick, Kuroko’s body didn’t radiate enough heat to warm the fabric so he was grateful for outside forces which could do the job for him.

Pulling the blanket from earlier over his legs, he placed the plate of food on his lap. Aomine attempted to offer him some butter and jelly, but he declined with a slight wave of his hands. One piece of toast was anywhere between 40 and 200 calories most likely- Kuroko was guessing 200 to be safe- and adding butter or other toppings would only increase that number. No, as unappealing as plain toast might be, it was necessary. Besides, the purpose of eating wasn’t for enjoyment. In this case, it was simply to placate his friends. Thankfully, Aomine didn’t press the matter and went back to reading a basketball monthly magazine. Kise didn’t protest either and kept to texting on his phone with only occasional glances at Kuroko which Kuroko didn’t notice.

Akashi watched Kuroko pick at his food while pretending to read the book in his lap. The tealnette bit off the tiniest pieces of bread, chewing for an unusually long period of time, before taking another sip of tea. It was an unsettling process to watch. Kuroko should have been hungry, especially if the information he and the others had gathered over the last few hours was correct. Yet, Kuroko continued to pick at the food like he wasn’t.

Barely half of one piece of toast left the plate before Kuroko set it back on the table with an unavoidable clank that brought the others attention to it. Akashi sent a disapproving look, but Kuroko wasn’t looking at him. His eyes were still on the bread.

“Why are we here?” Kuroko asked in a quiet but still monotone voice.

“Aka-chin invited us for a sleepover.” Murasakibara answered between bites of one of the cookies brought up for snacks.

“Why?” Though they had sleepovers before, they never had one at Akashi’s home and on the same day he fainted?

“We will talk about it tomorrow.” This time it was Akashi who answered still pretending to read his book.

“Talk about what tomorrow.” Kuroko persisted.

“I said we will talk about it tomorrow, Tetsuya.”

“You can at least tell me what it’s about.”

Akashi sighed and closed his book setting it aside. None of the others seemed interested in distracting Kuroko’s attention to other matters and judging by the micro-expressions Akashi observed on Kuroko’s face it would probably be pointless to try. Kuroko was too stubborn so Akashi intertwined his fingers and laid them over his knee before meeting Kuroko’s impatient glare. “About your eating disorder.”

Silence.

Hearing Akashi’s words, Kuroko willed himself to disappear within the soft cushions of the couch without success. Sadly, he wasn’t a real ghost that could disappear whenever he pleased. Looking to either side he realized Kise and Aomine were both sporting nervous looks and seemed to be taking great interest in their fidgiteting hands.

“Tetsuya….” Akashi prodded breaking the silence momentarily only for it to resume immediately.

Kuroko didn’t know what to say. He would have admitted to the purging. He might have admitted to the fasting if asked. But an eating disorder? Yes he fasted and purged and looked up weight loss tips and took part in typical disordered activities…but he was still so fat. He was always failing. There was no way he could bring himself to admit to having something like that because he wasn’t that bad. The situation wasn’t that bad.

“I don’t have an eating disorder.” He finally whispered after gathering his thoughts. He could feel Akashi’s eyes boring into the top of his head now that it was ducked to avoid meeting the red heads eyes and the wandering stares of the others.

“Kurokocchi….”

“I don’t have an eating disorder.” Kuroko repeated firmer.

“We will talk about it tomorrow, Tetsuya.” Akashi tried again.

“No.” Kuroko threaded the edge of the blanket between his fingers pulling the fabric harshly, “there is nothing to talk about. I don’t have an eating disorder.”

“Tetsu, just-“

“No!”

“Fine.” Akashi uncrossed his legs and pushed against his knees to stand. Kuroko watched him curiously as he approached the cluster of school bags by the door to the hallway and picked up Kuroko’s bag. From it he drew two objects not much bigger than the palm of his hand. Kuroko paled. He hoped those weren’t what he thought they were, but when Akashi placed the light blue cellphone and the small journal on the glass coffee table, Kuroko’s hopes were destroyed. “If you don’t have an eating disorder, explain what we found in your internet search history and the contents of this notebook.”

“Y…you….you went through my things…through my phone?” Kuroko’s voice shook with the anger welling up inside and the feeling of betrayal aching in his heart.

“We’re worried about you…”Kise defended sheepishly. His hand reached out to take Kuroko’s but was slapped away causing the blonds pent up tears to break free.

Kuroko’s own eyes stung with tears and he curled his fingers into fist till his nails were biting into the flesh of his palms. “You had no right….”

“Tet-“

“YOU HAD NO RIGHT!” Kuroko screamed and shot up from the couch shaking in anger. He would have kept yelling, but the sudden movement left the room spinning before his eyes and it took all he had not to fall back into the cushions. He bit his lip willing the dizziness to evacuate his mind but it didn’t help. He moved too fast. The erratic pounding of his heart beneath his ribs was overwhelming the sounds of the others calling his name till Aomine grabbed his arm and pulled him back on to the couch roughly.

“Damn it, Tetsu! You’re so weak you can barely fucking stand.”

 _Weak?_ Kuroko cringed. The word weak pounded in his head and he squeezed his eyes. No. He can’t be weak….

“Look, I know it was wrong of us to go snooping around in your stuff but we’re fucking scared man. You’re scaring us!” Aomine continued.

“You’re dying, Kurokocchi….we couldn’t just let it be. We’re sorry…but…but…but…” Kise wailed and launched himself onto Kuroko’s arm startling him.

Turning his head, Kuroko stared at Kise. Confusion replaced the anger as he tried to understand what they were saying. “Dying??? What? What makes you…..”

“Baka!” Midorima spat, “Eating disorders are deadly in fact. Don’t you know how dangerous it is!?”

“But I don’t…..” Kuroko pulled his knees into his chest defensively hugging them tight.

“Tetsuya, you have an eating disorder and Kise is right. It’s killing you. We’re afraid.” Akashi took a deep inhale and stood up making his way around the coffee table to stand in front of the tealnette. He crouched down so he was eye level and took Kuroko’s hands in his. “I’m afraid, terrified even. None of us want to watch you kill youself.”

Kuroko’s breaths hitched as he began to sob uncontroblably. “I’m not trying to….I just wanted to…..”

“Just wanted to what, Tetsu?”

“Not be *hic* useless…..”

“Kurokocchi isn’t useless!!!!” Kise cried, his grip on Kuroko’s

“Tetsuya….” Akashi gave Kuroko’s hands a gentle squeeze, “what are you talking about?”

“If I lose weight…I can be a better phantom…then I’ll be more useful to the team…” Kuroko sniffed and rested his forehead on his knees. He was beginning to feel nauseus and light headed. The conversation was becoming too taxing.

“If you lose any more weight, it’s likely you will die in fact.” Midorima warned.

Kuroko had to chuckle at that. Maybe it was the exhaustion, but the idea of losing a bit more weight killing him sounded ridiculous to his ears….even if somewhere deep in the forgotten corners of his mind, he knew it was true. The disordered part of his mind used every ounce of force it could muster to keep that knowledge in the darkness and only allow him to react on disordered thoughts, thus, he chuckled. No one else in the room thought it was funny of course and gave him curious looks while Kise and Aomine’s jaws nearly detached themselves from their faces, Midorima and Akashi’s eyes narrowed and foreheads wrinkled in concern, and Murasakibara placed his snacks on the ground in favor of approaching Kuroko with his head cocked to one side. The giant towered over Akashi and bent forward and placed his hand on Kuroko’s head pulling upwards so Kuroko was forced to face him.

“Kuro-chin dying isn’t funny.” He said scowling. His aura grew dark and the anger was practically leaking out of him in tangible form. Murasakibara did not think this was funny one bit. Though he may have stayed quiet through most of this, he could not sit by passively as Kuroko laughed at the high possibility of his own death. He glared daggers at the much smaller boy.

Kuroko’s chuckling died in his throat, but a small and unusual smile still graced his lips making him look almost insane. “I’m not going to die, Murasakibara-kun. I’m far too fat to die from a few days without food.” He pushed Murasakibara’s hand away from his head having the advantage of shocking the giant with his statement. The distraction made the hand easy to move. Kuroko then glanced at the others. “I appreciate the concern, but I’m far too fat to die….Besides-“

His statement was cut off by a hard slap on the cheek from Akashi and a punch to his upper arm from Aomine. His now free hand rose to cradle his cheek and he looked from the red head to the bluenette. He might have let his sudden rise of anger shout at them, but the tears in their eyes and the horror on their face caused his voice to get stuck in his throat and he pulled away from both edging as far away as possible. He was only saying the truth….

“You’re nothing but skin and bones, Tetsu….” Aomine mumbled under his breath in a sad tone.

Akashi shook his head and counted to ten in his mind. He hadn’t meant to slap Kuroko….but the words that came out of the tealnettes mouth…he had read up on the disorder and how people with it acted but….he couldn’t bear to hear Kuroko call himself fat or treat this like a laughing matter. Even if he knew it was because Kuroko’s mind was sick…. “Tetsuya…”

“I’m sorry….” Kuroko averted his eyes to stare intently at his knees. His watery eyes glistened with new tears and his body slumped against Kise’s. “I didn’t mean to laugh but...I just….” Another sob escaped his throat. This wasn’t what he wanted. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. Everyone was looking at him with so much pain and fear and his voice was meek and barely audible as he spoke his next words shakily… “Do you hate me now?” He asked. His eyes were drooping and despite the intensity of the situation, he felt sleep on the corners of his consciousness taking over. But he needed to know one last thing.

Kise wrapped his arms around Kuroko pulling him away from the others and nuzzeled his face in Kuroko’s blue hair. “We could never hate you Kurokocchi. But please….stop killing yourself.”

“Yeah Tetsu, we would never hate you.”

“I promise not to hate Kuro-chin if Kuro-chin eats this cookie.” Murasakibara grumbled childishly as he picked up a cookie and held it out.

“But….”

“It’s just one cookie.” Akashi encouraged. Cookies weren’t exactly what Kuroko needed right now. He needed more nutritious food, but anything was better than nothing.

“I…I don’t think I can….” Kuroko turned his head away from the dessert feeling an uncomfortable churn in his stomach at the mere thought of taking even a bite of any more food. He ate the toast. He ate half a piece of toast anyway….

But Murasakibara pouted and was not about to give up. Though there was a lot going on he didn’t understand, he knew Kuroko needed to eat and cookies were tasty. He pushed the cookie closer to Kuroko’s mouth. “Fine, I won’t hate Kuro-chin if Kuro-chin takes one bite.”

“Give me that.” Aomine snatched the cookie from Murasakibara’s hands and tore off a piece. “Eat it.” He ordered as he pressed the piece against Kuroko’s lips.

Kuroko sighed and opened his lips reluctantly accepting the piece of cookie and chewing it slowly. It was hard to resist the urge to spit it out, but he swallowed. It did taste good and despite his reservations his hand reached out towards the rest of the cookie in Aomine’s hand. He hid is face in Kise’s shoulder embarrassed at his own display of weakness, but the temptation of food was too much and honestly, the look of relief on the others faces made him want to give in. Just this once, he promised himself.

Startled by the sudden change of heart, Aomine hesitated before dropping the cookie in to Kuroko’s shaky hand. His body relaxed when Kuroko brought it to his lips instead of using it as a projectile and throwing it at one of them which is what Aomine half expected to happen.

As Kuroko nibbled on the rest of the cookie (none of them had ever seen someone consume a cookie so slowly), the others dispersed to lay out futons and prepare for bed. Only Kise stayed on the couch and let the others set up his futon since Kuroko was using his body for support and did not seem inclined to let go.

The others decided to move the couches and coffee table out of the way so they could set the futons up in two rows. Murasakibara set to placing each futon out and Midorima and Akashi ventured to the closet to collect spare pillows and blankets. Aomine put out the fire in the bedroom since no one would be in there and then unplugged the heated blanket and brought it to the sitting room. “Which futon is Tetsu’s?”

Akashi entered from behind and dumped a handful of pillows onto the futons. He pointed to the spot next to the fireplace that was farthest from the balcony door. “That spot should be the warmest and it’s close to the outlet.”

Kuroko frowned lowering the cookie he still hadn’t finished. “Why do I get the warmest?”

“Because you are the only one shivering in fact.” Midorima removed his glasses and put them in his case on the desk for safe keeping. He took one of the farthest futons from the fire place pulling a blanket and pillow from the pile and setting it up.

Murasakibara took the futon across from him claiming he doesn’t like really warm spots and Aomine placed his phone on the one next to Kuroko’s before plugging the heated blanket into the wall outlet. Akashi grabbed the futon across from Kuroko’s and tucked a pair of scissors underneath just in case Kise decided to try to hug him or suffocate him in the middle of the night.

By the time all the futons were set up, Kuroko was finished with his food and sipping on tea. Aomine approached and Kise took the cup before Aomine slid an arm underneath Kuroko’s knees. Kuroko looked up at him confused and uncertain since he didn’t want Aomine to feel how heavy he was.

“Wh…”

“Shut up Tetsu. You could barely stand earlier.” Aomine lifted Kuroko off the couch freeing Kise to prepare for bed as well. Like Akashi had been, Aomine was startled by the lack of weight in his arms, but more than startled, it made him feel sick and a tightness formed in the pit of his stomach. Kuroko really was much too thin. Of course, if Kise had interpreted the journal correctly, he weighed somewhere around 36 kg (80 lbs). Sighing, the tan teen bit the inside of his lip and carried Kuroko over to his futon then gently placed him down. Kise brought the tea over so Kuroko could finish and Akashi helped situate the blankets around Kuroko’s small body. Both he and Aomine placed a kiss on his forehead and gave him a hug before slipping into their respective beds. Kise gave him a hug and pouted about not being able to sleep next to Kuroko, but after a short lecture from Midorima who was cranky because he wanted sleep, Kise slid under his covers and pouted silently.

“Can we turn off the lights now?” Midorima grunted. “And I swear if any of you wake me up in the mor-“

“Yeah yeah,” Aomine waved his hand in the air disinterested. “I’ll be sure to kick you in my sleep.”

“I hate you in fact.”

“Good for you.”

“Night.” Akashi’s tone prompted the others to be quiet and say their good nights as well.

“Night! Sleep tight!”

“Ni *yawn* ght.”

“Good night.”

“Yes, good night.”

“Whatever.”

“Aomine-kun…”

“Okay, night.”

Clicking a button on a remote, Akashi turned the lights off. One hand reached above his head and ruffled Kuroko’s hair gently. “Night Tetsuya.” He whispered.

“Night Akashi-kun.” Kuroko replied and pulled the blankets close to him. The heat radiating from the fire warmed his exposed face and as much as he had to think about at the moment and as much as he hated himself for being weak, he felt a momentary peace envelop his mind. With one hand he reached up and grasped Akashi’s with a gentle squeeze while the other hand sought out Aomine’s and gripped it as well. He fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/feedback please!!!  
> Notice: I want to be clear that if you think someone has an eating disorder, that doesn't make snooping through their stuff okay. This is fiction and I feel like it is something Akashi would do, but I am by no means suggesting you handle a similar situation the same way the characters do in this story. 
> 
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>  
> 
> I hope I did okay with this chapter and managed to make it believable. Like I said, I had so many ideas and not a lot to go on and so many things I wanted them to do and say but not all of it could fit coherently so yeah, hopefully I made the right choices :)


	13. Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter but I hope you still enjoy.  
> Thanks for all the support so far!  
> Comments/feedback is welcomed.

A light rumble of thunder tore Akashi from the realms of sleep. At least, he assumed that was what woke him. After staring at the celling for several long moments he grabbed his phone off the floor beside his futon. Pulling it under the blanket so the light wouldn’t disturb the others, he turned on the screen to check the time. It was only 3:47 A.M. Placing his phone to the side again, Akashi listened to the hiss of the wind for a few moments before rolling over to take a peek at Kuroko.

Except Kuroko wasn’t there.

Scrambling to a sitting position as quietly as he could, Akashi searched the dark room for any sign of Kuroko but found none. He picked up his phone again and turned on the flashlight feature so he could see better but it didn’t help because Kuroko wasn’t there.

 _Don’t tell me he….._ Akashi decided not to finish that thought. There were several possibilities of what Kuroko could be doing and where he could have gone, some far worse than others. He didn’t want to let his mind consider the worst ones. Heart clenching, Akashi stood and tiptoed around the other sleeping bodies towards the bedroom door. Hesitantly, he pulled the left door open just wide enough to fit through. However, as he stepped into the room, a quiet whine alerted him to the figure huddled against the wall just inside the door.

Akashi shined his light upon the trembling crying? figure. The ache in his chest lifted when it turned out to be Kuroko. “Tetsuya?” he called out softly as he shut the door.

Not even noticing the sudden appearance of light, Kuroko flinched at the sound of his name. Raising his head slowly, he wiped his red tear filled eyes on the back of his sleeve and looked up, though he didn’t meet Akashi’s eyes.

“Aka….shi-kun…. I… I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I *sniff* came into your room without asking…. I didn’t want to wake any-“

“Its fine, Tetsuya.” Akashi walked over to the bed. He pulled the blanket off and grabbed the box of tissues on the bedside table. Setting the tissues on the floor, he instructed Kuroko to lean forward; Kuroko obeyed. The blanket was then draped around his shoulders. Satisfied, Akashi took a seat on Kuroko’s right side.

“Uh…*sniff* thank you *sniff*” Kuroko whispered pulling the ends of the blanket over his knees tightly.

Akashi nodded as he draped an arm over Kuroko’s shoulders and pulled him into a somewhat awkward side hug. He was grateful the blanket was thick so he couldn’t feel every bone in the smaller boy’s body. The thought however reminded him of his earlier fears.

“You didn’t……you know…” For some reason Akashi couldn’t bring himself to actually mention the deed but the ache in his heart was back and it wouldn’t subside till he had an answer to that question.

“Vomit?” Kuroko finished the sentence as his knees fell to the side as though it was too much effort to keep them upright any longer.

“Yes.”

“Mm mmh,” Kuroko shook his head lightly and took his phone from its resting spot in his lap. His thumb swiped across the screen to wake it up and what looked like a web page appeared. He offered the phone to Akashi instead of a verbal explanation.

Taking the phone, Akashi read the bold words at the top of the page and frowned in confusion. It was an article on digestive processes and times, but how did that relate?

Fresh tears were pouring out of Kuroko’s eyes as he elaborated on his explanation. “I didn’t wake up till close to three….it’s too late. It’s probably already turned into a pile of fat…”

“Tetsuya….” Akashi strengthened his grip on Kuroko while gazing down at his sky blue head of hair that stuck out in all directions. At first, he didn’t know what to say. The now familiar ache in his chest grew with the knowledge that the guy in his arms, the skeletal drying person in his arms, thought he was fat. Technically, he already knew that, but it was still sinking in and painful to hear. The way Kuroko spoke and the tears that ran from his eyes were enough proof that Kuroko truly and strongly believed he was fat and useless. How was Akashi supposed to convince him otherwise?

“Tetsuya,” he started again, “do you honestly think I would let someone on the first string if they weren’t valuable as a player?” He wasn’t sure how to tackle the issue of Kuroko’s weight, but maybe he could at least convince Kuroko he wasn’t useless.

“What does that have to do with-“

“Just answer the question, Tetsuya.

Kuroko only shrugged as he muttered an ‘I don’t know.’

Or maybe he couldn’t convince him of that either. That wasn’t the answer Akashi was looking for.

Not ready to give up, Akashi decided to try a different question. “Do you think I would have put you in the games if you weren’t useful?”

This time, Kuroko didn’t answer at all. He didn’t think Akashi would do something like that. It wasn’t like Akashi to pity others or make unnecessary decisions. He was calculated and success driven. But Kuroko’s perception of himself did not include being useful. The others could win without his help and easily. Even if his observations concluded Akashi would never do something unnecessary like putting in a useless player, Kuroko couldn’t imagine any other possibility. The contradiction was confusing so he opted to remain silent.

“Well?” Akashi prodded when no answer was given.

Kuroko shrugged and stared out the window at the swaying trees and falling rain. He hoped Akashi would just drop the matter, but Akashi wanted an answer…..and Akashi tends to get what he wants.

After being asked the question once again, Kuroko decided to give his answer though it was barely a whisper. “I don’t think you would….but…..”

“But?”

“I am useless…so…”

“You are not useless.”

“But I’m fat and slow and all I can do is pass and-

Pulling away, Akashi grabbed Kuroko’s chin forcing their eyes to meet. There was a certain anger in Akashi’s hardened stare that sent shivers through Kuroko’s body. “You are not useless. You are our sixth man and a valuable player whom we rely on.” Akashi growled despite himself.

Tears fell faster from Kuroko’s eyes and he shook, whether from sobs or fear or something else entirely, Akashi couldn’t tell. It filled him with guilt though. Releasing Kuroko’s chin, Akashi softened his gaze. “I’m sorry. However, I don’t like when people insult my friends with lies…even if it’s themselves.”

With gentle force, Akashi brought Kuroko’s head to rest on his lap in what was hopefully a more comfortable position. Kuroko didn’t protest. It was probably because he was too busy crying. One hand carded through Kuroko’s hair as the other stroked his back in soothing patterns, once again thankful for the thickness of the blanket that made the bones less obvious beneath his fingers. They were still noticeable and every time Akashi’s hand rubbed over the bumps, his heart ached a little more.

Akashi continued the repetitive motions until the sobs ceased, replaced by sniffles and light coughs. “I should get you some water.” Akashi thought aloud.

Kuroko shook his head and grabbed on to Akashi’s pants. “Please…don’t go.”

“There are clean cups in the bathroom. I-“

“Please don’t say that word…”

“Tetsuya?”

Kuroko pulled his knees closer to his chest and tightened his grip on the blanket. “I want to get rid of it so badly….” He murmured and the tears began once again.

 _Oh…so we’re back to that again…._ Squeezing his eyes shut, Akashi inhaled deeply and counted to 5 and back down again as he let out the breath. “You need to stop purging. It’s dangerous.” He said as calmly as he could manage.

“I’ll stop when I’m thinner…“

Akashi felt the familiar tightening in his chest again. “No, Tetsuya. It needs to stop now.”

“I can’t stop n-“ Kuroko’s sentence was cut off by a yawn which reminded Akashi it was still late at night or early morning, however you wanted to look at it. Either way, they should be sleeping.

Akashi glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table which read 5:02 A.M. Over an hour had passed. As important as the conversation might be, this was not the time for it.

“We should go back to bed. There is only a few hours left for sleep.”

“Hai.” Kuroko whispered but didn’t move. Even if Akashi’s muscular thighs made for a firm pillow, it was comfortable and warm. Plus, Kuroko’s strength was drained. He didn’t want to move and at Akashi’s suggestion of sleep, he was already half way to dreamland.

A soft smile crept onto Akashi’s face as his fingers began stroking Kuroko’s hair again. “I can carry you if you’re too tired.”

“Can I just…sleep right *yawn* here?”

“Sleeping on the hard floor won’t be very comfortable.”

“But…wanna stay with you.”

A bit of pink dusted Akashi’s cheeks as he chuckled. “My futon is right across from yours.” Akashi lifted Kuroko’s upper body and shifted so he could pick him up princess style.

Kuroko gave him a confused look through half lidded eyes for only the briefest of seconds. Then he buried his face in Akashi’s night shirt like a sleepy child.

Smiling, Akashi carried him back to the sitting room. _He really is too cute sometimes…._ he thought as he lowered Kuroko onto the futon. He pulled the blankets up to Kuroko’s chin and gave him a kiss on the forehead. After one last gentle stroke through Kuroko’s hair, he crawled over to his own futon and settled down for a few more hours of sleep.


	14. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note: None of my stories will be updated again until sometime after mid-August. I am currently out of town with limited internet access and spare time so I apologize. I'll be back to writing again in August though!

Looming over Kuroko, Aomine wondered how he should wake the tealnette. To be honest, he felt uneasy about shaking him. Perhaps it was silly, but he was half asleep and swore if he shook too hard, Kuroko might just break like a porcelain doll thrown against a hard floor. The nightmares he had last night and the unusually dark room due to the storm still raging outside weren’t helping calm his imagination either. If anything, they were feeding it.

He settled for poking instead. Poking didn’t hurt. You weren’t supposed to shake babies but you could poke them, so surely he could poke Kuroko too. In his defense, he wasn’t a morning person and his brain wasn’t awake enough for sensible thoughts. Poking it was.

With his pointer finger, Aomine reached out and poked Kuroko’s forehead. It was too light to cause the tealnette to even stir, so he tried again a little harder. “Tetsu, wake up.”

“A…omine….kun?” Kuroko squinted one eye open prepared for the harsh morning light that wasn’t present. Slowly his other eye opened as well and he peered up at Aomine.

“It’s time to wake up.”

“Mmmm…in a…..little whi…le” Kuroko murmured and used his fingers to pull the blanket from under his chin to cover his eyes. He shifted his body ever so slightly to curl up into a tighter ball as if that would somehow protect him from Aomine waking him up.

Shaking his head, Aomine pulled the blanket back down and poked Kuroko again. “Breakfast is already ready.”

“Not hungry.”

“Come on Tetsu.” Aomine poked him again.

Kuroko would have brushed Aomine’s hand away, but as usual, he didn’t have that kind of strength upon waking in the morning. As it was, just moving a few inches took several long seconds or even minutes of preparation. Instead he kept his eyes closed and shifted his hand to limply cover his face.

“Stop poking him, Daiki,” Akashi stated as he exited the bathroom with a towel covering his wet hair.

“I was just….”

Akashi shook his head and gestured for Aomine to move over. Then he crouched down in front of Kuroko and gently lifted Kuroko’s hand away from his face. “Tetsuya, please get up.”

Peeking out from under his eyelids, Kuroko groaned. “Not hungry….”

“At least sit and talk with us.”

“Oi, Akashi! Is that-”

Akashi turned his head sharply to glare daggers at Aomine silently telling him not to finish that sentence. Then his face softened and he returned his gaze to Kuroko. “Please?”

With a quiet sigh, Kuroko gave in. It was hard to resist his captain. “Few minutes,” he mumbled. As Akashi stood to fold up his futon like the others were doing, Kuroko began willing his body to move. It was a slow process but after a minute he gathered the energy to activate his muscles and move a few inches before they fell limp again. The process repeated itself until he had to push himself up into a seated position which took more than a minute to convince his body it was capable of such a feat. Getting up these days really was too much trouble, but he felt the others occasionally glancing at him and he knew they were waiting. With a deep breath, he gathered arms beneath him and pushed his torso away from the futon. His arms shook, but at least he was sitting up now. Getting to his feet was another thing. Squeezing his eyes shut, Kuroko prepared for the much bigger task of getting to his feet when he realized he felt large hands underneath his arms lifting him off the ground. Opening his eyes, he came face to stomach with Murasakibara.

“Murasakibara-kun….”

“Kuro-chin was taking too long,” Murasakibara said already walking towards the door.

Kuroko sighed and smoothed out his clothes. A shiver passed through his body and he rubbed his upper arms with his hands to create friction, a generally useless effort to warm himself. He really just wanted to crawl back under the covers and stay there the rest of the day like he normally did on the weekends but it seemed sleep would have to wait a while longer.

With a sigh, Kuroko turned towards the door to follow after Murasakibara when an arm holding a grey sweatshirt blocked his way.

“Here.” Akashi said. “It will likely be chilly downstairs too.”

Kuroko took the sweatshirt and slipped it on noting how it practically swallowed him like the night clothes despite the fact he and Akashi should be about the same size. Actually, he was sure he was bigger than Akashi so it really didn’t make any sense. He could worry about that later though. Murasakibara was impatiently demanding everyone hurry up so he could eat and the others were already leaving the room. With a deep breath he pulled a hand through his hair and hurried to catch up.

In the spacious dining room, Akashi took the seat at the head of the table and beckoned Kuroko to take the seat to his right. Kise settled in next to Kuroko and the other three took up spots on the other side of the table. Once everyone was seated, two maids entered with a cart of dishes containing western breakfast items including pancakes, bacon, fruit, and eggs. Kuroko eyed the tempting dishes as they were placed on the table.

The appetizing smells wafted through the room. The food looked wonderful…..on plates. It would not look so good on him when it turned to fat. With that thought, he tore his eyes from the dishes. His right hand drifted to the space above his hip and pinched the flesh through his clothes to further remind himself why he must restrain himself and ignore temptation. It worked. As the flesh (it was just skin) rolled between his thumb and finger, self-hate and disgust flooded his mind strengthening his resolve.

Kuroko flinched when a hand suddenly landed on his left shoulder. He looked up at Kise who was gesturing towards a maid who seemed to be waiting for something. He must have zoned out again…..

The maid meeting his eyes bowed her head and repeated her question asking what he would like to drink.

“Ano….do you have coffee?”

“Of course,” she replied, “milk or sugar?”

“No thank you. Black is fine.”

The maid poured the dark liquid into a cup and handed it over. After thanking her, Kuroko took a sip and did his best not to scrunch up his face….black coffee wasn’t his thing. He had been drinking it a lot lately to stay awake and of course avoid calories, but he couldn’t bring himself to like the bitter aftertaste.

The others ordered their drinks and put food on their plates while Kuroko left his empty and sipped on the coffee. He focused his mind on the crackling of the fire place, the rain hitting the windows, and the coffee aroma.

“So…what are we doin today?” Aomine spoke around a mouthful of pancake.

Kuroko set his coffee down and looked at Akashi. “Are we staying here….?”

“I invited everyone to stay the whole weekend.”

“Oh…”

“What’s wrong Tetsu? You don’t want to hang out with us?”

Kuroko looked down at his hands. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be with his friends…..but he was tired and a weekend of fighting temptation and “hanging out” sounded exhausting. Slowly he shook his head. “It’s not that…”

“If you’re worried about what we talked about last night, Tetsuya, I promise we don’t have to talk about it anymore this weekend.”

“Yeah! We just want to hang out, Kurokocchi! Please!” Kise fixed Kuroko with watery eyes and a puppy dog pout so convincing Kuroko thought the blond might sprout ears and a furry tail any second.

With a long sigh, he nodded. He wasn’t worried about _that_ topic being brought up again but it was relieving to know it wouldn’t be. With everyone giving him pleading looks he couldn’t bear to disappoint them by refusing. Then he really would be a good for nothing worthless friend and teammate. With a long sigh, he nodded. “Can I at least go home and get my things?”

“Of course. I’ll take you after breakfast.” Akashi smiled and gestured one of the maids over to inform her of the plans.

“YAY! We get to spend the weekend with Kurokocchi!” Kise squealed and buried Kuroko in an overly excited hug.

“Not if you squeeze him to death! Let go of Tetsu.”

“Kuro-chin will stay?”

“This is going to be a long weekend in fact.”

“Shut up Midorima! You wanted to hang out too.”

“I said no such thing!”

“Oh really Midorimacchi? Yesterday you-“

“Enough, Kise. I’m the vice-captain. I can double your training too.”

“EEkk!!”

“Kise-kun….you’re still squishing me…”

“Ah! Sorry Kurokocchi!” Kise let go and everyone settled down…sort of….

“So….I repeat my earlier question, what are we doin. It’s rainin so….”

As the others began discussing what ‘fun’ activities might be possible for later, Kuroko finished the last of his coffee with only a slight grimace. He set the cup down and stood gripping the table till the white spots in his vision evacuated. “I’ll go change.”

“Do you want to borrow some clothes?”

“I’ll just wear mine from yesterday.” Kuroko stated and left the dining room quickly. He was relieved to get away from all the food and smells.

After Kuroko was gone, everyone stopped discussing the plans for the day and turned to Akashi. Midorima fixed his glasses in his usual manner. “Is it okay to let him be alone?”

“Well… he didn’t eat anything so….” Kise looked at the empty plate with a frown then back to Akashi. “Is it really okay for us to not make him eat?”

Sighing, Akashi dabbed his lips with his napkin and sat back in his chair. “According to my research, forcing him to eat is not the answer.”

“You were okay with forcing it last night.” Aomine huffed.

“Mine-chin was the one who stuffed a cookie in his mouth.”

“Oi! You helped!”

“Last night was another matter. It’s also the past. Things did not go as we planned but it has already been done.” Akashi cut off the budding argument with a firm voice.

 “The research did mention that we shouldn’t put too much focus on the food in fact.” Midorima said.

“That’s true,” Kise agreed, “but it still feels wrong to just let him continue.”

“Maybe….Maybe we should tell someone about Tetsu.”

“For now, we will focus on being supportive friends. You can ask him to eat, but we will not push the matter, at least for this weekend. As for informing someone, we can discuss the matter later. Tetsuya, should be down any minute and it won’t do any good for him to overhear this.” Akashi said standing up from the table then changed the subject. “If you wish to shower, there are more than enough showers for everyone. You can ask the staff or Shintaro where. And Shintaro,”

“Yes?”

“You are in charge until I return. Try to make sure the place doesn’t burn down.”

“Oi! How can we burn it down when it’s raining outside!” Aomine shouted.

“Uhm….I think you’re missing the point Aominicchi.”

“Baka! A building can burn down regardless of whether it’s raining or not.”

“Mine-chin isn’t very smart.”

“Oi! You wanna fight!”

“Fighting is too much effort.”

“What did you say!?”

“You heard me. Or is Mine-chin deaf too?”

“Damn you!”

* * *

 

Slipping out of the room quietly while the others were going on with their nonsense was easy enough. In the hallway, Akashi took a deep breath and smoothed out his clothing in attempt to chase away the uneasiness in his mind and heart. If he was to be honest with himself, despite all the time he spent researching, he wasn’t a hundred percent sure what the right moves to make were regarding Kuroko’s situation and disorder. He hadn’t been able to find much information and most of it was repetitive, vague, and not in Japanese.

The fact was, he wasn’t sure if he was making the right choices and he wasn’t sure where to go from here. Akashi preferred to plan ten steps ahead if not more, but now he felt he could only take matters one step at a time. He was out of his comfort zone.

Akashi ran a hand through his hair and willed his thoughts on the previous matter to cease as he looked up the stairs. There was still no sight of Kuroko which was only increasing his anxiety. Worried Kuroko might have fainted again, he briskly climbed the staircase and entered his rooms only to run into Kuroko as he opened the door.

“O….Tetsuya?” Akashi glanced down eyes wide in surprise.

“Akashi-kun. I thought you were going to wait downstairs?”

“You were taking a long time….”

“I didn’t have a brush for my hair so I had to use my hands. It takes longer that way.”

 _And it doesn’t work well either…_ Akashi thought to himself observing how Kuroko’s hair was still far from tame. Holding back a chuckle, he side stepped the smaller boy and went to the bathroom to grab a brush. When he returned, Akashi sat on the couch and pointed to the spot on the floor in front of him. “Sit.”

Kuroko stared blankly but obeyed. Once he was settled on the floor between Akashi’s knees, Akashi began the task of calming Kuroko’s hair.

“I could have brushed my own hair Akashi-kun.” Kuroko stated after a moment.

“I’m aware,” Akashi smiled, “but I wanted to do it.”

“Why?”

“Hmm.” Akashi hummed. A few more brushes and Kuroko’s hair was presentable at least. Akashi set the brush down. “Let’s go. It looks like the rain has let up a bit.” He said rising and taking Kuroko’s arm to pull him up.

“Are we walking?”

“No. But we do have to get from the door to the car.” Akashi winked and pulled Kuroko from the room grabbing Kuroko’s bag with his free hand on the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/feedback plz!


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